5 Things Every Black Woman Should Do on Dec. 1 (World AIDS Day)

5 Things Every Black Woman Should Do on Dec. 1 (World AIDS Day)

Wednesday, November 30, 2011
By Kathleen Cross
from rollingout.com

Dec. 1 is World AIDS Day, a day on which all of us are asked to help raise awareness about HIV/AIDS, and to create a sense of urgency about preventing, treating and curing this deadly disease.

Unless you have been living in a bubble, you are probably already aware of the startling statistic that more than half of the 1.1 million people living with HIV/AIDS in the United States are black. That figure is especially alarming given the fact that African Americans constitute only 13 percent of our nation’s population.

Black men currently make up the majority of new HIV infections, and it is estimated that 1 in every 16 black men in America will contract this virus in his lifetime. If you are a black woman between the ages of 25 and 34, you are more likely to die of HIV/AIDS than any other cause, and the CDC projects that 1 in 32 black women will test positive for HIV in her lifetime.

If you are under the false assumption that the HIV virus is something only “certain kinds of women” should worry about, you are misinformed, and could be placing yourself in danger every time you have unprotected sex — even if the person you are having sex with tells you he is sure he is not infected.

The fact is, a heterosexual black woman is six times more likely to contract the HIV virus from unprotected sex with a man, than a black woman who contracts the disease using IV drugs.

HIV/AIDS is not a virus that seeks out promiscuous women who use dangerous drugs. The virus does not care about your personal life, how often you attend church, mosque or temple, or whether you are drug-free. The reality is, this deadly virus can infect a monogamous churchgoing, non-drug using woman if she has unprotected sex just once with an infected partner — even if that person is her only sex partner, her fiancé or her husband.

In addition to wearing a red ribbon to commemorate the day, if you are a black woman, (or if you know and love a black woman and care enough to share this with her) here are five important things to do on Dec. 1:

1. Get Tested for the HIV Virus

Maybe you are one of those people who think you really don’t want to know your HIV status. If you are thinking you’d rather stay ignorant, consider this:

When you receive the HIV test result you will either:

1) Celebrate the fact that you don’t have the virus, and commit to keeping it that way.

2) Acknowledge that you are one of the lucky ones who discovered the virus before it began wreaking havoc on your health. There are millions of people around the world currently using medication to keep AIDS at bay. An HIV positive test result is not a death sentence — it is a life sentence. The sooner you know the truth, the sooner you can start the fight to stay healthier longer.

At www.HIVtest.org you can input your zip code and find multiple testing sites near you.

2. Commit to Condoms

Unless you can be 100 percent certain that the man you are having sex with has tested negative for the HIV virus (and has never subsequently had unprotected sex with even one other person, or used IV drugs), you should be using a condom every time you have sex.

This is a touchy subject for women in relationships that they believe to be monogamous, but please know that there are plenty of dead black women who didn’t want to offend their partner by insisting he wear a condom.

Remember that most black women with HIV/AIDS contracted it from heterosexual sex with an infected black man. The virus cannot read a marriage license, and it does not care if you are faithful to your boyfriend. A condom is not an insult to your sex partner — it is a symbol that you love yourself enough to stay HIV-free.

3. Learn the True Story of a Black Woman with HIV/AIDS

If you know a black woman who has contracted the virus, learn her story, and share it with others.

HIV/AIDS that touches a friend or loved one drives home the reality that the virus is a living organism that humans “give” to and “receive” from one another.

If you don’t know of a black woman with HIV/AIDS, search the Internet and learn someone’s story. Her story could save your life.

Here are a few amazing stories you will be glad you viewed:

http://whatgives365.wordpress.com/2010/03/30/my-name-is-wanda-and-i-have-aids/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zI1_nCBdGt0&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpfYlM7AUmE&feature=related

4. Discuss HIV/AIDS with at least One Black Woman Age 24 or Younger

Share the sobering statistics about HIV/AIDS with a young woman who may not fully understand the risks, and let her know she is entering an age group of black women at the highest risk for dying of AIDS.

Help her understand that she could literally be placing herself in mortal danger if she is having sex without a condom with a man she is not 100 percent sure is virus-free.

5. Discuss HIV/AIDS with at least One 25- to 34-Year-Old Black Woman

Share the sobering statistics about HIV/AIDS with a woman aged 25 to 34 who may not fully understand the risks, and let her know she belongs to a group of black women at the highest risk for dying of AIDS.

Help her understand that she could literally be placing herself in mortal danger if she is having sex without a condom with a man she is not 100 percent sure is virus-free.

-----------------------------------------
In addition, here are some websites to help you learn more.

Women's Health: http://www.womenshealth.gov/hiv-aids/
General Information: http://www.aidsinfo.nih.gov/
More General Information: http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/

Mangagement Rings

I thought this was an interesting article. Would it catch on, not sure?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mary-schwager/mangagement-rings_b_987953.html

Mangagement Rings
Posted: 11/30/11 02:57 AM ET
by Mary Schwager

When you see a man wearing a ring on his left hand, most would assume he's married, but get this: He may not have hit the altar yet -- the ring you see may be a mangagement ring!
Yup, you read it correctly, "man-gagement ring." Nope, it's not a company ring he was given for his promotion to the management tier; it's a ring he was given by his significant other. It's actually an engagement ring for guys!

Whoa! What the heck? Is this some gimmick by the jewelry industry to get you to spend more? Is it some ploy by feminists to brand men with engagement rings, too? Is it something for insecure partners who weren't satisfied he changed his Facebook status to "engaged" and want to alert the entire world their man is in a relationship? Even as this author types this article, the spell check on the computer underlines "mangagement" as an alert, a red flag, it found a word it does not recognize!

Amada Gizzi, spokesperson for the Jewelry Information Center, says the concept is starting to take off in America! "Engagement rings for men are a new concept here in the United States. Men and women both wear engagement rings in a lot of countries around the world. For the United States it has never been our tradition. Therefore, it is a foreign concept to most people."
Mangagement rings are perfect for a woman who wants to turn the tables in a traditional heterosexual relationship and pop the question to her guy, and she's now got a ring to complete the proposal.

Jewelry industry insiders say they're starting to see a lot more female clients doing the proposing! (Of course, we want to point out here that at no time should her man assume that diamonds are an unimportant part of the deal.) Gizzi adds, "The idea that the man will also wear an engagement ring gives relationships a new sense of equality. It is a pre-commitment, commitment from both the man and the woman."

They're also perfect for same-sex unions and engagements. If a man proposes to another man, he can also have a mangagement ring ready to go.

If this concept sounds interesting to you, the good news is some of these rings are more affordable than wedding bands. Of course, you can go as expensive and elaborate as you want, but the prices usually range from a couple hundred dollars to well, of course, to the sky's the limit. Gizzi says the types of metals usually range from platinum and gold to stainless steel and tungsten. "Find one that fits his personality and style."

Then what do you do on the big day, standing at the altar, ready to exchange rings with a mangagement ring? Jewelers say it's up the couple. You can add on another ring to the initial mangagement ring, keep it, upgrade, it's all about your taste, style and budget.

A True Hero!

Phyllis D. Zlotnick, 69, died Oct. 13. (Handout / November 23, 2011)

By ANNE M. HAMILTON, Special to The Courant The Hartford Courant

November 26, 2011

Phyllis Zlotnick fought effectively and tirelessly for the civil rights of people with disabilities. Her goal was to achieve equality for them in a society that often ignores them and their needs.

"She's at the top of the list of people whose vision and influence made tremendous changes for all people with disabilities — and for all people," said James McGaughey, director of the state Office of Protection and Advocacy. He said she has been the state's the most effective advocate for people with disabilities.

Phyllis, born Aug. 27, 1942, was one of three children born to Sidney and Marion Zlotnick. Her brother Seymour also had muscular dystrophy, an inherited disorder in which muscle tissue gets increasingly weaker. A sister had polio which left her lungs compromised. Her father was a grocer in Hartford. At first Phyllis wore leg braces, but when she fell down, she couldn't get up. She soon began using a wheelchair

Ignoring the conventional practice of institutionalizing children with disabilities, Sidney Zlotnick combed the country looking if not a cure for muscular dystrophy, at least for therapies which would help mitigate the increasingly crippling condition. Experts told him there was no cure, and that Newington Home for Crippled Children was the best place for treatment.

For periods of time — some short, some long — the parents would place Seymour and Phyllis at the Newington Home for Crippled Children, which, although a predecessor of Newington Children's Hospital, was a far different place at that time.

Phyllis experienced little tenderness or love at the hospital. She came to hate the staff and dread hospitals themselves. Her parents were allowed only one short visit a week, which they had to divide between their two children, who were kept separated.

When Phyllis celebrated a birthday at the home, she couldn't have any of the cake or presents because she had been punished and left in her crib, because of an altercation with another child. When new doctors arrived, they would bring Phyllis, undressed, onto the stage of the auditorium, to demonstrate the curvature of her spine.

After they realized that there was no cure or good treatment for muscular dystrophy, a progressive disease which usually ends in death in a patient's 20s, the Zlotnicks brought their children home. The Hartford school system had made no accommodation for teaching children like Phyllis and Seymour, but after their parents picketed the board of education, they allowed Phyllis to attend a special education class that had many students with many disparate needs.

"They were remarkably progressive parents," said Peg Dignoti, former executive director of the ARC of Connecticut and a close friend.

The family moved to Portland, where Phyllis would have been welcome at the high school — except that steps at the school made it inaccessible. Instead, she participated in classes via speaker phone, although never met her fellow students or engaged in activities with them. She graduated with honors in June 1960.

Zlotnick joined a sheltered workshop where she colored black and white photographs which no one ever bought. Her parents then brought her to Easter Seals Rehabilitation Center. When a receptionist job opened up, Zlotnick was hired.

In the '70s, there were tremendous hurdles for people who navigated the world in a wheel chair. She soon mastered the state building codes and would go out and look at construction projects and point out areas where it could be made more accessible — doorways widened, countertops or sills lowered, and ramps installed. She also began reviewing proposed legislation to see how it might impact people with disabilities.

"She could speak intelligently to the issues," said John Doyle, who hired her at Connecticut Easter Seals as a legislative liaison. Zlotnick had a specially equipped van in which she used to drive from her home in Hartford to Hebron, but after the drive became too taxing, she looked for work closer to home.

Zlotnick became an active volunteer with United Cerebral Palsy, and began to encourage the emerging practice of self-advocacy: people with disabilities speaking out for themselves. She lobbied for legislation that increased their mobility and independence, including curb cuts in the sidewalk and kneeling buses. She was a frequent presence at the Capitol, where her knowledge of the issues, calm demeanor and intelligence made her an effective lobbyist.

"She never said, 'It's just us. Persons with disabilities against the world,' " said McGaughey. "She said, 'It's my world too.'"

Sen. Lowell P. Weicker gave Zlotnick's name to President Ronald Reagan when the president was putting together the National Council on Disabilities, and one of the achievements of which Zlotnick was most proud was her input into the wide-ranging Americans with Disabilities Act, passed in 1990 over many objections. Friends said she considered her work on the Council drafting and urging adoption of the act her greatest achievement.

Zlotnick worked for a time as an aide to former House Speaker Ernest Abate and advised him on disability issues. When a bill concerning accessibility was scheduled for a hearing in a room in the state Capitol that was itself inaccessible, legislators were embarrassed and suggested rescheduling the meeting. Instead, Zlotnick suggested that they lift her in her extremely motorized wheel chair, into the room. It was a subtle but pointed lesson of the importance of accessibility.

"She made sure the press was present," said Ed Preneta, former program director at the United Cerebral Palsy Assn. Of Greater Hartford.. "It was a moment to be educated."

Zlotnick had an active life off the floor of the General Assembly. She loved boating and cruises, and went to Bermuda, eager to listen to the steel band into the wee hours. She spent hours at the computer and enjoyed watching webcams of cruises around the world. For many years, she smoked and did her own makeup and hair and could feed herself with a long fondue fork.

One of her happiest moments was on a small boat at Disney World where she was on the water, with the wind in her hair.

"This is the freest I've ever felt," she told a friend.

She was a master square dancer: the group was called the Square Wheelers.

As her illness progressed, her mobility decreased, and she no longer could transfer from chair to the wheel chair. She could not turn herself in bed or move anything but her right hand.

Eventually, she stopped driving her van, but her personal assistant continued to drive her. Zlotnick and others lobbied for a waiver in the Medicaid regulations that would allow people with disabilities to hire and train their own staff, and Vedia Ragin, whom she hired as her assistant, worked with her for nearly 15 years until her death.

When she was diagnosed with cancer a year ago, Zlotnick said she would never return to a hospital, and she did not treat it. She outlived all predictions — most "experts" said she would die in her 20s. Both her brother and sister have also died.

Zlotnick would not like to be called "courageous," said Stan Kozlowski, who also hasa disability and became the deputy director of the state office of protection and advocacy.

"We're just going about the business of life," he said. "Both for ourselves and for others, we open doors.".

Add a little PIF to your life...

"I guess its hard for people who are so used to things

the way they are - even if they're bad - to change

'cause they kind of give up. And when they do,

everybody kind of loses."

{Pay It Forward, 2000}

Today while I was waitressing, I overheard another server telling a story about her recent cab ride in downtown Hartford. She explained how the driver purposefully took both she and her friend for a joy ride to rack up his cab fare. When they eventually arrived at the destination, the cab driver demanded nearly double than what it should've been. My co-worker described her battle of words with this cabbie, completely shocking and blowing the minds of all of the employees.

Although her story was unfortunate, I couldn't help but reflect on the polar opposite experience I recently had with a cab driver in Washington, D.C. in late October. I was there for a policy forum for my internship and was dressed up rather fancily (with high heels included). Needless to say, by the 12399873th time I had made a wrong turn, walked up a flight of stairs, or wobbled down another block, my feet were absolutely killing me. My friend and I decided to hail a cab for the remainder of the walk back to our hotel room, which wasn't far. When we arrived in front of the hotel, I remember feeling a flash a heat travel to me face at the speed of light when I noticed the fare. We owed $21 and we only had $11. I quickly nudged my friend who also had the same look of sheer horror and panic. I'll admit that thoughts of tucking and rolling out of the vehicle crossed my mind - I felt like a complete jerk. The cab driver must've noticed the anxiety on our faces because he turned around and calmly said, "You don't have the money, do you?". I simply shook my head and held out my $10 bill. He looked at it, smiled and took the bill. Then he said, "No worries, my dear. Just remember to pay it forward - either here or up there."

I got out of the cab in complete astonishment of what had just happened. Not only did it remind me to rent the movie, but it also made me really think about what it means to "pay it forward" in terms of today's society. If only everyone truly adopted the PIF methodology for life, the world would be a much safer & saner place.

After reminiscing about my encounter with the lovely Angel of Cabbies, I couldn't help but think that right now was a perfect time to truly begin implementing PIF into my daily life and encourage it in the lives of my loved ones. So here it is! This is me encouraging (and challenging) you to PIF. It's really not that hard.

~In the spirit of giving & thanks, PIF~

Reed v. Reed Advances Quality for Women, but Must Always be Defended

Marcia D. Greenberger, Co-President National Women's Law Center
Posted: 11/23/11 03:00 PM ET Huffingtonpost.com

Forty years ago yesterday, for the first time in its history, the Supreme Court held that a law that discriminated against women violated the Constitution. In Reed v. Reed, a unanimous Court struck down an Idaho law requiring the automatic preference of a man over a woman when both applied to be the executor of an estate. The Court recognized that women had a constitutional right to equal protection of the law, turning from a long list of previous rulings that allowed women to be excluded from juries, or the legal profession, or even bartending, on the grounds that women needed to be protected from the rough-and-tumble of the workplace or the public square, or confined to the sphere of hearth and home.

The Court's ruling was spurred by the advocacy of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who authored Sally Reed's Supreme Court brief and whose efforts in that case and in a series of groundbreaking Supreme Court cases in the years that followed established constitutional protection against discrimination on the basis of sex. Forty years ago yesterday, the Supreme Court's decision also gave new constitutional underpinnings to the statutory protections against sex discrimination in employment and an impetus and strength to an array of new statutory protections against discrimination in education, credit, and housing, as well as employment, in the years that followed. That work continues. Most recently, there is a new protection against sex discrimination in federally-funded health care, as part of the Affordable Care Act, closing yet one more gap in legal protection against discrimination women are still fighting to secure.

But let there be no mistake about it, while cause for celebration, these gains are not fixed in stone. In the last few decades since the Reed decision, none of the constitutional cases protecting women against official sex discrimination were decided without dissent. Indeed, just last year Justice Scalia flatly stated, "Certainly the Constitution does not require discrimination on the basis of sex. The only issue is whether it prohibits it. It doesn't. Nobody ever thought that that's what it meant. Nobody ever voted for that." And last month, in an interview with Newsweek, Judge Bork, when asked whether he still believes that the Equal Protection Clause does not protect against sex discrimination, answered that he did, and felt justified in that belief because "women are a majority of the population now --a majority in university classrooms and a majority in all kinds of contexts. It seems to me silly to say, 'Gee, they're discriminated against and we need to do something about it.' They aren't discriminated against anymore."

The Court's most recent decision in a constitutional sex discrimination case proves that these protections cannot be taken for granted. This June, the Supreme Court split 4 - 4 in Flores-Villar v. United States, a case challenging a law that has different standards for an unmarried woman than an unmarried man to pass on her U.S. citizenship to a child. (Justice Kagan had worked on the case previously and so did not participate in the decision.) The tie decision had the effect of affirming the constitutionality of this blatantly discriminatory law and its unequal treatment of mothers and fathers.

While today those fighting sex discrimination have the law on our side, as the Flores-Villar case and the comments by Justice Scalia and Judge Bork remind us, important gains like those in Reed must always be defended and safeguarded. It is our job to make sure that we continue to move forward, building on the law's promise to stand behind the effort to continue to expand the possibilities for women and girls.

Speak Out, Brother!

As it stands, I am currently the only male member of the CT NOW Board of Directors. Seeing this blog entry for the first time, you might be asking yourself a few questions.

(1) “How long has he been waiting to use this insanely clever blog entry title?”

(Answer: About a month.)

(2) “Did he join the board just to hang out with women all day?”

(Answer: No…but it doesn’t hurt.)

But the most important question:

(3) “What do men have to do with feminism?”

(Answer: Everything.)

As a male feminist, one of my inspirations is Don McPherson. Don is a former quarterback for Syracuse University, played in the NFL from 1988 to 1990, and currently is an analyst for Big East football coverage on SNY. Don is also an active feminist, speaking all over the country about issues like gender stereotypes and violence against women.

It’s one thing for women to speak out about women’s issues; more good work than we can imagine has been accomplished by women. But when “manly men” such as Don McPherson become active, it gives feminism a different perspective altogether. The fact of the matter is, women’s issues are everybody’s issues, and as men, we do women a disservice by remaining silent. These issues will persist as issues as long as men keep passing them off as “women’s issues.”

In the coming weeks, I’ll talk about a number of ways that women’s issues are also men’s issues. For now, I’ll leave you with a video clip of Don McPherson explaining just why this is the case.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This is a day for thanks,

A day in which we see or hear or feel the wonders of the other moments of the year.


This is a day for time,a day in which we think of pasts that make our present rich and future bountiful.


This is a day for joy,a day in which we share a gift of laughter, warm and gentle as a smile.


Above all, this is a day for peace.


So, let us touch each other and know that we are none.


For these and other blessings, we give thanks.

--Daniel Roselle (alt.)

Marriage for All, But Not This 20-Something

Over the last two years most of my friends have gotten married and had children, and it is not that I am not happy for them, but I feel like some of them are pressuring me to do the same, because I am now 28 and according to them time is running out. I do feel like maybe I would like to be a little further along in some aspects of my life, but I certainly don't feel like 28 is old. In fact I never wanted to get married until I was 3o and since that is only two years away now it looks like that will not happen. So many of my friends seemed shocked when I told them I wanted to wait until my mid thirties to have children. They asked me how I would have energy to play with them when I was that "old". Having a 40 year old sister who acts and looks like 21 and a mother who had two children at almost 4o I just didn't understand what they were talking about. I don't see myself being worn out in ten years. I mean that is only one third of the way through your life typically. I would hope I wouldn't be ready for a nursing home at that point, but that is what I felt like they were implying. Should I rush to get married just because I was getting older? At a baby shower last week my aunt commented on how my cousin was considered a high risk pregnancy because she was 34 years old. But a lot of women have children much later than this, healthy, happy babies with no problems. I would like to travel and work on my career, but I would like children and a family some day too. I fully support and fight for gay marriage, but I am not sure I would want marriage for myself, at least not right now. Especially with the divorce rate so high, I am in no rush. The below article describes exaclty how I feel.

Marriage for All, But Not This 20-Something

By Krystie Lee YandoliWeNews commentatorTuesday, November 22, 2011

http://womensenews.org/story/marriagedivorce/111121/marriage-all-not-20-something?page=0,1

She's an ardent proponent of marriage equality, but the ideal gets fuzzy in her own life. Krystie Lee Yandoli meditates on her part in the trend by 20-something women to delay or forego marriage.

Enjoying the Rewards
Yes, we've come a long way since the days of bartering brides in exchange for dowries, but as of now, I'm content to enjoy some of the rewards of a generation that isn't so dependent on marriage. I'm not eager to join a tradition that expects me to change my last name to that of my male counterpart and have my father walk me down the aisle and pass me over to my husband.
I support those friends who want to enter the heterosexual marriage culture--and perhaps continue to update it--but for me it's not tempting.

And I'm not alone in my hesitation to rush to the altar.

Despite the seeming wedding mood all around me on campus and on TV, Census figures in May found Americans waiting longer to get married and the median age for marriage last year was 26 for women, up from 22 in 1980.

Since 1986, the number of women ages 25 to 29 who have never married has jumped sharply, to 47 percent from 27 percent.

Women with better jobs, women with more education and women enjoying the single life (cue "Sex and the City" here) are all possible explanations.

These same women have also become increasingly liberal and progressive in our ideology and political discourse. The Gallup Poll reported in May 2011 that for the first time a majority of Americans, 53 percent, believe the law should recognize same-sex marriage.

Youth Support
The same report implies that the future of legal same-sex marriage rests with America's youth: 70 percent among those aged 18 to 34 support same-sex marriage in comparison to 39 percent among those 55 and older.

Apparently, many other young women, like me, avidly support same-sex marriage without any strong, urgent interest in entering the institution themselves.

We must be a concern and target of the social conservatives; perhaps one of the reasons they are barrage-attacking reproductive rights is to drive us back into the walls of marriage.
But that won't work for me.

I am pro-equality, pro-rights and pro-choice and I think this is true for many in my generation. It all boils down to an individual's right to choose and the government's role in enabling these rights as American citizens. As the saying goes, same-sex couples have every right to be just as miserable as straight couples.

Perhaps one day I'll grow up and change my mind about getting married. Maybe I'll find a way to honor my family's religious and cultural tradition without compromising my own values. Maybe I'll decide that it's financially beneficial to sign legal documentation with a long-time partner.

Or perhaps, better yet, I'll throw logic out the window, follow my heart, and wind up in a white wedding after all. But it would have to happen like that; while I'm making other plans.

CT Turkey Drive Coming Up Short

Foodshare needs your help!!! See below for details!

By Steven Goode, sgoode@courant.com
The Hartford Courant

3:12 p.m. EST, November 21, 2011

BLOOMFIELD ——

With less than 24 hours left in its annual pre-Thanksgiving Turkey Drive, Foodshare is falling far short of its goal of getting 19,000 birds to distribute to needy families.

As of 2 p.m. Monday, the organization had received 16,274 turkeys as part of its Turkey and a Twenty fundraising program. An updated number will be released Monday afternoon.

Amanda Renna, a spokeswoman for Foodshare, said Monday that the goal is the same as last year, but this year's donations are lower.

"We're not even close," Renna said, adding that she expected that the economy and recent storms played a role.

Renna said it's not too late to give. Foodshare is accepting donations at its location at 450 Woodland Ave. in Bloomfield until 8 p.m. Monday and is opening at 6 a.m. on Tuesday. The WDRC-FM live traveling caravan will be at the Highland Park Market in Manchester from 4 to 7 p.m.

But time is running short — the effort ends at 11 a.m. Tuesday so that needy families have time to defrost and prepare their turkeys in time for Thanksgiving dinner.

"We need donations sooner [rather than] later," Renna said.

Grocery stores in the greater Hartford area are also accepting donations. For a complete list visit the Foodshare website at http://www.foodshare.org, or call 860-286-9999.

The organization is also still working toward its goal of raising $800,000 from the effort. As of Monday almost $500,000 had been donated.

Parenthood: Helps Make Good CEOs

The Rise Of The Female CEO And The Folly Of Men Who Just Don't Get It
By Laura Yecies
11/15/2011 @ 2:19PM

On Monday last week I woke up a bit before my 5:45 alarm (yes, quite amazing how one can actually adjust to a new schedule) so had a few minutes to scan email and the online news before my hike and came across the headline “Why Most Women Will Never Become CEO.” Gene Marks, the author, is a Forbes contributor.

My first thought when I read that headline was how silly it was. After all, “Most anyone won’t be CEO.” You can put pretty name your group for the “anyone” place – most men won’t be CEO, most New Yorkers won’t be CEO, even most Harvard MBAs, though they hate to admit it, won’t be CEO.

Then I read on and was irked. And admittedly, while obviously very curious, I had to set the article aside for a few days to temper my reaction.

The article starts with a description of some negative teenage behavior (both boys and girls actually) and then a projection (without any evidence) that the silly “high school girl drama” exhibited by the author’s teenage daughters is typical of professional women.

After reading this, I should have just abandoned the article – “Reason #1” was enough to make this article not credible. But my curiosity got the best of me.

The next point is that men are incapable of taking women seriously in the office and are only focused on women’s appearance. I find this to be an insult to the many serious, professional men I have worked with over the last 23 years. Not that I am naïve to human nature and a bit of normal banter (and by the way women occasionally notice men’s hot or not-so-hot appearance) but I do believe we’ve been mostly past this for years. And to the extent it is present, we should treat this behavior as an unacceptable aberration not to be accepted.

The corollary to this point, which the author makes later, is that “men can also get away with more stupidity.” Note to any men reading this…NOT. Check in with several recently former Fortune 500 CEOs to verify.

Marks discusses the challenges that mothers have juggling working and parenting. And, yes, when in the midst of a big work project, it is hard to leave coworkers to take care of a sick child or go to your child’s sports game.

The modern reality, though, is that both genders are facing these challenges. And both men and women are facing these challenges the usual way – with a little less sleep. My observation is that parenting and home management is becoming more shared. To the extent it isn’t, then the lesson to our daughters is, if you want to maintain an active career, chose a husband who will be a partner with you. Even if the thesis is right that women are so much more instinctively bonded with their children that their juggle is harder, there are many cases where that juggling skill morphs into brilliant business multi-tasking.

Marks ends with an assertion that the women who can be CEO are the ones with the thickest skin. I think anyone who rises through the corporate ranks or the rough-and-tumble of business builds up some calluses. But for a truly effective CEO, they are calluses and not overall thick skin. Women CEOs lose as much sleep when they have to fire someone or face a tough decision. I certainly didn’t get to where I am by virtue of having thick skin.

If anything it’s the opposite. Yes, I’ve cried at work. My first year at Informix, while laying off a top employee who was a single mom; in the bathroom at the Check Point office in Israel 20 years later after my first Israeli-style “dressing down” of a proposal, and later that year in front of my staff when I got the call that one of my team member’s daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumor.

I think parenting is one of the best experiences in the world for learning empathy and if that helps in being a CEO then women–and men–are benefiting from that experience even as they juggle.

The bottom line is that many if not most of the generalizations and barriers described in said article have changed or are changing. In the cases where they are not – if women are not being taken as seriously or aren’t bringing the right skills to the table—let’s figure out how to level the playing field so that we can get the best talent involved in starting and growing businesses.

Laura Yecies is the CEO of SugarSync, the world’s fastest growing cloud (digital files) storage, sync and collaboration tool. She is a consumer software and Internet services industry veteran with two decades of experience leading top consumer brands such as ZoneAlarm, Yahoo and Netscape. Yecies has been on staff as a lecturer for International Marketing at Santa Clara University, and serves on the board of several community non-profit organizations.

Giving Thanks Happy Hour!

I just had to post a blog about CT NOW and CT NARAL's first cocktail hour tonight. I am so excited that so many of my friends will be there. I am also hoping to connect with some new people. What a perfect way to spend the evening! Don't forget to bring a non-perishable food item for the Connecticut Food Bank.

The Burnt-Out Feminist

I must admit that one of my biggest pet peeves when dealing with those of older generations than yours is when the person minimizes my stress or level of exhaustion simply because of my age. Just because I am 24 years old does not mean that I do not have anything to worry about besides painting my nails, flat-ironing my hair, and stalking the latest trend on Facebook. The fact is I am 24 years old, do all of that, AND also go to graduate school full-time with two internships, waitress part time for some type of income, have two classes to worry about and take care of a dog, boyfriend, friendships, and family in my "free time". Not to mention the piles of folded laundry that seem to never be able to get back into that bureau, the dishes that never seem to put themselves away, and the other mundane chores that are simply overlooked. Oh, and how could I possibly forget how much fun it is to deal with the student loans and pressure to find full-time employment to pay such loans, as well as simply live and function in life, in this sad economy.

I am young, yes, but I am stressed like any other person in America today. According to this article, though, women are really falling prey to such stress and exhaustion, especially those 30 years or younger! Check it out & school yourself! Don't let yourself become another one of the fallen...

Women: Do You Think Your Uterus Makes You Less Funny?

I can't believe I'm posting an article from the NY Post on this blog. But I read this one and thought, wow, something positive about women in the NY Post. Cool.

The movie Bridesmaids clearly has many people pondering the 2007 "women aren't funny" article by Vanity Fair writer, Christopher Hitchens. You can read it, here. I just read it, and think I need to absorb it. He makes a connection between women's ability to give birth and their ability to be funny. Because we have that ability, it makes us less funny?? Hmmmm... Tina Fey, anyone?

I will continue to mull it over. I think Hitchens wanders deeply where he probably shouldn't.

Props to Kathy Griffin. Wasn't really a fan, but her comments in the below article have changed that.


Getting the last laugh
They’re the laugh-riot girls! Women in comedy are finally getting their due

By MANDY STADTMILLER
Last Updated: 12:19 PM, November 8, 2011
Posted: 11:29 PM, November 7, 2011



Comedian Kathy Griffin likes to tell tales out of school — perhaps no more so than when she’s talking about what it means to be a high-level woman in the traditionally male-dominated field of comedy.

“Once I was in this meeting a few years ago with this guy, Ben Silverman,” says Griffin of the former NBC Entertainment chief. “And I was talking to him about going from my Bravo show to a more scripted show. And I was really complimenting him on ‘30 Rock,’ and I said, ‘What’s so great is it’s really proven that just like the shows I grew up with — “Phyllis” and “Mary Tyler Moore” and “Rhoda” and all these female-driven comedies — Tina [Fey] has kind of brought that back in a way that’s so wonderful and successful.’  ”


Funny ladies Kathy Griffin and Wanda Sykes will headline this year’s New York Comedy Festival alongside Sarah Silverman — and it’s about time women in comedy make waves, they say.

Griffin — who is one of three female headliners for the New York Comedy Festival, which marks the most women ever on the top billing of the lineup — gets right to the punch line about the closed-doors meeting. After she was told “30 Rock” didn’t make that much money, and after she countered that it had garnered so many Emmys, she heard a line she’ll never forget. “He said: ‘And — it’s really Alec [Baldwin]’s show,’  ” says Griffin, 51, laughing in disbelief. “It’s based on Tina Fey. It’s based on her life. She wrote it. It’s based on her own personal experience that no one ever had, which is to be the first female head writer on ‘Saturday Night Live,’ so I never forgot that phrase. ‘It’s really Alec’s show.’ So I was like, ‘Buh-bye, Ben. Thanks for your time. I’m going to go back to my little cable show and be really, really funny.’  ”

[A representative for Silverman said, “Ben denies Kathy’s statement and is proud that he has worked alongside super-talented comediennes including everyone from Tina Fey and Amy Poehler to America Ferrera and Sofia Vergara.”]

Indeed, as Griffin knows better than most, to be a female comic is to work harder, jump higher and get past more misconceptions. Happily, though, it’s finally starting to pay off. Over the summer, Kristin Wiig’s movie “Bridesmaids” shattered box-office records. Highly rated female-centric comedies dominate the fall lineup, from “New Girl” on Fox to Whitney Cummings’ double-header with “Whitney” on NBC and “Two Broke Girls” on CBS. And over on E!, Chelsea Handler’s fempire only continues to grow as she wields unprecedented power in upcoming contract negotiations.

“We’ve entered a new age of the female comedian,” says Caroline Hirsch, the owner of Carolines on Broadway and organizer of the New York Comedy Festival, which runs tomorrow to Sunday.

"These are no shrinking violets. We’re seeing a new generation of strong and influential female voices in comedy.” Indeed, the success of “Bridesmaids,” which had a budget of only $32.5 million and boasted a spectacular $287 million in global ticket sales, flew directly in the face of these long-standing stereotypes.

“What really excites me about ‘Bridesmaids,’  ” Griffin says, “is the fact that so many of my straight dude friends were recommending it to me. They’re not [usually] going to see a chick flick.”

Griffin also points to the inspiration she sees in this season’s sitcom It girl, her friend 29-year-old Cummings. “She and I have been e-mailing back and forth a lot, and I said, ‘Look, it’s not lost on me that what you’re doing is unprecedented in the history of television. Which is basically to be doing the Seinfeld-ian model for starring in a network show that you’re also writing or co-writing. And then it’s doubly impressive to have another network show on the side that you’re co-writing with Michael Patrick King.’ ”

Funny ladies Kathy Griffin and Wanda Sykes will headline this year’s New York Comedy Festival alongside Sarah Silverman — and it’s about time women in comedy make waves, they say.

Of course, Cummings isn’t escaping without plenty of barbs along the way, including one viciously funny taunt from another festival headliner this year, Norm Macdonald. He said, in a thinly veiled reference to Cummings’ attendance on a Comedy Central roast in an interview he gave to “Opie & Anthony” this year: “Hey, guess what, there’s a young girl that’s middling attractive that swears a lot. Let’s get her.”

Cummings’ response? “Norm is hilarious,” she told a reporter.

Amy Schumer is yet another pretty, raunchy comic to break out of the celebrity roasts this year. Schumer, 30, just sold pilots to CBS and Comedy Central, and she’s also executive producing a reality series about women in comedy — so she knows whereof she speaks.

“I think people who say ‘Women aren’t funny’ are just sad and misinformed . . . I think they didn’t have sex until well after college and have an off relationship with their mothers,” she says. “This is a great time for women in comedy or just women in general. I love the things we are allowed to do now. Like vote and have consensual sex.”

A new documentary out next month on the subject, cheekily called “Women Aren’t Funny,” inspired by the infamous 2007 Christopher Hitchens essay in Vanity Fair, was created by a female comic who broke out on “Last Comic Standing,” Bonnie McFarlane and her comedian husband, Rich Vos.

Why do fewer women do stand-up? “Women like going to the bathroom together, so going on the road for three weeks alone isn’t usually at the top of their bucket lists,” says McFarlane, 42.
While Griffin calls Hitchens’ piece a “shock jock” tactic, McFarlane says, “I think guys say things like that to make women mad, and then point and say, ‘Look! See?’ ”

Comedic digs about women not being funny don’t bother Griffin. “I don’t really get bothered by the old fogies who say chicks aren’t funny. A lot of people made a big fuss about Jerry Lewis [who said in 2000 he didn’t like ‘any’ female comedians], too. What bothers me is when a currently working executive who signs the checks and makes the decisions about what goes on a TV slate, when those people don’t think chicks are funny. But what’s great is that it’s finally getting to the place where it should be in comedy. Which is: You should be judged on whether or not you’re funny.

“I mean, I’m doing four hourlong specials for Bravo this year, and that’s a record,” she concludes of her mind-boggling feat of material generation that puts even a prolific comic like Chris Rock to shame. “It’s never been done — by a male or a female.”

Mississippi 'Personhood' Amendment Vote Fails

Mississippi 'Personhood' Amendment Vote Fails

Emily Wagster Pettus Huffington Post posted 11/8/11 11:17 PM ET

Interesting article about yesterday's election.

JACKSON, Miss. — Mississippi voters Tuesday defeated a ballot initiative that would've declared life begins at fertilization, a proposal that supporters sought in the Bible Belt state as a way to prompt a legal challenge to abortion rights nationwide.

The so-called "personhood" initiative was rejected by more than 55 percent of voters, falling far short of the threshold needed for it to be enacted. If it had passed, it was virtually assured of drawing legal challenges because it conflicts with the Supreme Court's 1973 Roe v. Wade decision that established a legal right to abortion. Supporters of the initiative wanted to provoke a lawsuit to challenge the landmark ruling.

The measure divided the medical and religious communities and caused some of the most ardent abortion opponents, including Republican Gov. Haley Barbour, to waver with their support.
Opponents said the measure would have made birth control, such as the morning-after pill or the intrauterine device, illegal. More specifically, the ballot measure called for abortion to be prohibited "from the moment of fertilization" – wording that opponents suggested would have deterred physicians from performing in vitro fertilization because they would fear criminal charges if an embryo doesn't survive.

Supporters were trying to impose their religious beliefs on others by forcing women to carry unwanted pregnancies, including those caused by rape or incest, opponents said.
Amy Brunson voted against the measure, in part because she has been raped. She also has friends and family that had children through in vitro fertilization and she was worried this would end that process.

"The lines are so unclear on what may or may not happen. I think there are circumstances beyond everybody's control that can't be regulated through an amendment," said Brunson, a 36-year-old dog trainer and theater production assistant from Jackson.
Hubert Hoover, a cabinet maker and construction worker, voted for the amendment.
"I figure you can't be half for something, so if you're against abortion you should be for this. You've either got to be wholly for something or wholly against it," said Hoover, 71, who lives in a Jackson suburb.

Mississippi already has tough abortion regulations and only one clinic where the procedures are performed, making it a fitting venue for a national movement to get abortion bans into state constitutions.

Keith Mason, co-founder of the group Personhood USA, which pushed the Mississippi ballot measure, has said a win would send shockwaves around the country. The Colorado-based group is trying to put similar initiatives on 2012 ballots in Florida, Montana, Ohio and Oregon. Voters in Colorado rejected similar proposals in 2008 and 2010.
Barbour, long considered a 2012 presidential candidate before he ruled out a run this year, said a week ago that he was undecided. A day later, he voted absentee for the amendment, but said he struggled with his support.

"Some very strongly pro-life people have raised questions about the ambiguity and about the actual consequences – whether there are unforeseen, unintended consequences. And I'll have to say that I have heard those concerns and they give me some pause," Barbour said last week.
Barbour was prevented from seeking re-election because of term limits. The Democrat and Republican candidates vying to replace him both supported the abortion measure.
Specifically, the proposed state constitutional amendment would've defined a person "to include every human being from the moment of fertilization, cloning, or the functional equivalent thereof."

The state's largest Christian denomination, the Mississippi Baptist Convention, backed the proposal through its lobbying arm.

The bishops of the Episcopal Diocese of Mississippi and the General Conference of the United Methodist Church opposed it.

Bishop Joseph Latino of the Catholic Diocese of Jackson, a church traditionally against abortion, issued a statement neither supporting nor opposing the initiative. The Mississippi State Medical Association took a similar step, while other medical groups opposed it.

Mississippi already requires parental or judicial consent for any minor to get an abortion, mandatory in-person counseling and a 24-hour wait before any woman can terminate a pregnancy.

Don't Forget to Vote Today!!!

With the whirlwind of the past 10 days, it is important that voting today does not slip to the bottom of everyone' to do list! Given that many towns are still dealing with power outages, several polling locations have been changed. To simplify the process, this link will provide you with your updated polling location!!

In case you needed a little more motivation, here is some food for thought:

"Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote."
~George Jean Nathan

Women Own 1% of the World's Property -- Occupy That

Soraya Chemaly Huffingtonpost Posted: 11/4/11 04:00 PM ET

It must be what they're wearing.

1%
One Percent.
O.N.E. P.E.R.C.E.N.T.

That's the number between ZERO and TWO. Plus a "%" symbol behind it.

There must be a good reason for this startling fact. Especially since, according to UN gender reports, women perform 66% of the world's work, produce 50% of its food and earn a whopping 10% of its income. Could it be that Occupy Wall Street really is afeminist movement camouflaged to make it palatable?

Nah! Besides, I know; women don't want to own property, it's a hassle. They know intuitively that property is overrated. It can't help that women aren't as good at math and find it harder to calculate closing costs. And it really doesn't help that clothing standards are dropping. If women would just dress for success, banks will take them seriously. Besides, their husband's provide everything they need and they shouldn't worry their pretty heads about crass things like property. In addition, if they're liberated, which we all know they pretty much are these days, they need to work harder and stop expecting things to be handed to them on a platter like the princesses they all secretly want to be. Phew, all done.

But, maybe it's because girls and women:

• Don't get to go to school when their brothers do
• Get married off (don't worry, at a good price)
• Are deprived of food when it's scarce
• Aren't allowed to own anything themselves
• Don't inherit
• Aren't paid for their labor
• Are property. Duh.

How much poorer do we want women to get in the world? It's really hard to imagine. They already make up the overwhelming majority of the world's poor. And, despite the successes of feminists (yes, men and women) during the past century, even in the U.S. we have a persistent and growingfeminization of poverty.

If you doubt what I'm saying just because you have to then look at Half The Sky, or We Are Equalsor The Girl Effect or any number of readily available sources. These organizations are not fly-by-night hobbies for people with not enough macrame to occupy them. These are big, serious international movements created by thoughtful, kind and empathetic thinkers and doers dedicated to changing the world.

I know, I know, Oprah and the Queen are both on the Forbes List. I love Travie McCoy, too. It just bums me out that he had to point those two out in particular. Because then I had to, sigh, explain catchy women-rule-the world agitprop to my patient children. Oprah and the Queen are the only two people mentioned in his song, even though out of the top 100 Richest People in America only 10 are women. Neither O. or HRH are on that one.

But there are several lists, one for Women and another for the real people (there is no "Richest Men's List"), which is just called the Forbes Rich List. On that list there are eleven women in the Top 100, including one self-made woman, Wu Yajun, whom I imagine might be in possession of underwear enhancing prosthetics of some sort. Half of the women are listed by their name followed by "& family" which sounds like Forbes Code for "see, her dad/husband/brother did it). Of the top 50 men listed, only seven are listed "& family." Do the other guys not have families? If you took away the "& family" would these women be on the list at all? In any case, it's seems awfully lonely to be a billionaire male. And yes, I know, American and European women have made pay and income gains during the last 50 years. Although every Tuesday I say a pay equity prayer because that is the day that women's salaries catch up with the previous week's salary earned by their male peers.

Which goes to show, money isn't everything. Why does it matter if women aren't earning, saving and investing it? It doesn't make you happier.

It does, however, make you healthier, make you safer, mean you live longer, you don't die in childbirth, you don't work til you die, you aren't subjected to the constant threat of violence or violence itself. It means you are an agent in your own life.

I understand that lots of people feel that women have enough and that men are now getting the short end of the stick. If that's the case why NOT let women spare men the onerous task of being workhorses in charge of their own destiny and having responsibility for the women and children around them. Men should stop paying for brides, educate their daughters, let women do paid work and allow them to inherit property. I say, throw out the stick. Look at the frigging mess we're in.

But, before I go to worship at the foot of my Marilyn Waring statue we should consider Dominant Forces of Behavior. The societal rules, formal and informal, that continue to enslave and oppress girls and women, and by logical extension the men and boys they "belong" to, are hard to change.

It's important to mention here that I'm a serious Trekkie (not so serious that I dress up, but serious enough that most of fourth grade was spent perfecting raising one eyebrow). What does that have to do with anything? I really actually believe that, on this planet, we're all the same. It's hard to keep in mind as we obsess over the duration of Kim Kardashian's marriage or the final score of Sunday's game (pick a game, any game). As long as one more female child gets sold into marriage, one more girl gets stoned for being raped, one more mother dies giving birth for lack of hot water, one more widow goes into hiding to save her own life -- we, women, all do.

And we, men and women both, get to live with that. It's why I sometimes can't bear to read Nick Kristof's column and why I don't have much patience for the male right's movement this morning. And, since I always say this, to be clear, this is not an exercise in male-bashing. I know that it's been a downer for guys growing up in the past 50 years to learn that maybe men do bad things to women because they're essentially taught to. This is a description of poverty and inequality, of worldwide, gender-based social injustice based on traditions and laws that are archaic and hard to change. And, the fact that they overwhelmingly benefit boys and men is not the same as being good for them.

If the rules are hard to change, do we stop trying? So, my real question isn't how much poorer can women get, it's if we don't radically empathize and stop confusing gender with destiny, who will?

Oh, and one last thing, the idea that the Occupy Wall Street movement is feminist at it's core is just not something we're comfortable with. It's a lot more acceptable if we just keep hiding those people. As Daphne Muller points out: "Men's visits... have been consistently reported -- just perform a basic internet search for Michael Moore, Russell Simmons, Kanye West, Cornel West or Chris Hedges. But what about Naomi Klein, Barbara Ehrenreich, Eve Ensler and Susan Sarandon, to name a few?" Except for articles about sexual assault being a problem, that is. But, that's not because mainstream media is way into highlighting women primarily for being sexual and vulnerable. I'm going now.

Follow Soraya Chemaly on Twitter: www.twitter.com/schemaly