Gender Stereotypes + Infertility

I have a couple of friends who are going through issues with infertility and doing all they can-physically, financially and emotionally- to create a family. Their experiences sound humiliating and daunting. They are both women and giving me a great lesson on strength, determination and grace. I am curious what they would think of the below article. I am curious to hear what you think of the below article. Thoughts?

Gender Stereotypes Affect How Men and Women Talk About Infertility
By Margaret Hartmann Aug 10, 2011 12:15 PM

Infertility is one of the most difficult problems a couple can go through, and many people find discussing the issue with friends and family only makes things worse. A new study found that there are differences in the way men and women share information about their fertility problems with those around them, and there are ways to approach the topic that can make things somewhat easier for the couple.

Researchers from the University of Iowa and Penn State University talked with 50 heterosexual married couples who've been struggling with infertility for eight months to five years, according to EurekAlert. They found that couples often adjust how much information they share with their loved ones based on whether the man or the woman feels more stigmatized by their reproductive problems. When the woman is more concerned about how people will react to her infertility, both partners share more with friends and family. However, when the man is more concerned about how he'll be perceived, both partners keep their problems quiet.

Study author Keli Ryan Steuber, an assistant professor of communication studies at the University of Iowa, says this may have to do with the strong bias in our society against people who choose to not to have children. Steuber explains:

"It aligns with the idea that couples do more work to maintain the husband's public persona ... For women, it may be a response to our pronatalist culture. There's an expectation that women want children, and sometimes those who are voluntarily childless are labeled as selfish or too career-driven. We wonder if that stigma overrides the stigma of infertility, to the point that women and their husbands feel compelled to clarify: 'We're not choosing to not have children. We can't have children.'"

Though couples often disagreed with how much information they wanted to share with various people in their social group, the researchers were surprised to find that this didn't lead to much relationship tension, as long as the spouses explicitly discussed the topic. They found it was important for couples to talk about not only how much they wanted to share with friends and family members, but their motivations for keeping information private from certain people. "It could be, 'It's fine if you tell your mom, but please ask her not to tell your sister.' Or, 'I understand that you need to talk to your mom about it, but respect that I don't want to talk to her about it," said Steuber.

Resisting the urge to talk things over with their sister or mom may be easier for men. The study confirmed previous research that shows most men rely on their wives as their main source of emotional support. Women, on the other hand, usually turn to other women — which often brings up confusing questions for their friends about how to support someone who's having difficulty conceiving or just suffered a miscarriage. Steuber gives this advice:

"Let your friend know that you're there for her, to talk about it as much or as little as she wants. Find out whether she wants you to ask how her IVF treatments went, or if you should wait for her to bring it up. See if she is OK with hearing about your children — maybe she knows they're an important part of your life and wants to hear about them, but maybe it's too hard and she'd rather focus on other topics. By asking, it shows that you care enough to be sensitive to her feelings."

It's natural to feel awkward about bringing up a painful topic, but the study confirms that for both partners trying to conceive and those around them, discussing the issue is key — even if they're just communicating that they're not ready to talk about it.

Be Fabulous, Sassy, AND Supportive of our Upcoming 5K!

Become a Fabulous Friend or Sassy Sponsor! Want to be Fabulous or Sassy? This year the CT NOW Foundation has created two brand new levels of sponsorship so that individuals can become sponsors of our Love Your Body 5k. Our first level is for our "Fabulous Friends" who make a donation of $1-$99. The second level of sponsorship is for our "Sassy Sponsors", who make a donation of $100+! To become aFabulous Friend or Sassy Sponsor simply fill out this form and send it back to the CT NOW Foundation. You'll get to support an empowering event as well as the work of the Foundation. You'll also have your name on a special insert that will go into all the race bags that are given out on race day. ------------------------------------------------------- Our goal is: 20 Fabulous Friends & Sassy Sponsors bySeptember 20th. Will you help us reach this goal? ------------------------------------------------------- Please mail your form and check (made out to the CT NOW Foundation) to 56 Arbor Street, Suite 417, Hartford, CT 06106. All donations are tax-deductible. Love Your Body 5K Registration is open! The CT NOW Foundation's 3rd annual Love Your Body 5K Run & Walk is just a few months away! This year it will be held on October 22nd in West Hartford! The race t-shirts will be just as cool as the last two years so make sure you register and reserve your spot! We hope to see you there!

Is Success Scary?

Are You Afraid of Success?

Huffington Post: Daylle Deanna Schwartz

Everyone should want to succeed at what they do or say they want, right? After all, isn't that what we strive for? In theory, success is a positive goal, the result of the work you do. Yet it's common to also be scared of success--what will happen if you actually get there. Fear of the unknown can sabotage your efforts to be successful. Fear of success creates blocks that prevent you from achieving it.

In my people pleasing days, fear ruled me on many levels. Being insecure, I worried about how I'd handle a new or different scenario, even if it was a good one. People pleasers prefer to keep things status quo, even if the status quo makes them unhappy. The idea of navigating something new and exciting can seem daunting to someone with low confidence. I sabotaged opportunities without quite knowing why.

Some common concerns that contribute to fear of success are:

* Will success change me or how others see or treat me? Sometimes there's no choice if you're pushed to maintain an image or people expect too much of you if you don't create a new façade. But, if you're conscious of who you are and where your passions lie, you can stay true to you. Be the same person you are now and your real friends won't change, even if you have to don a cooler façade at professional events.

* Will I be disappointed when I get what I strive for? You might be successful but it may not generate the money, opportunities or high profile that you hoped for. Or, if you're not happy already, you may not feel as happy as you expected to be from reaching this level. When you're not happy on the inside, you look to external factors for happiness. That often creates a let-down when you get it, because career success doesn't create real long-lasting happiness if you're unhappy.

* Can I handle success? Subconsciously, you might be used to struggling. Or, deep down you might not feel worthy of success or of being able to live up to people's expectations of you. Write down what success means to you. What expectations do you see? Figure out if any of it makes you nervous, and why. Become conscious of these things to find ways around them. Then make a list of all the good things success will bring you. If you get scared, focus on that list.

* Will there be pressure on me to increase my success? There are a lot of one-hit wonders. Maintaining success can seem daunting. You may be okay with achieving the initial accomplishment. But pressure to surpass it may be the scary part. Take it day by day. Faith helps you triumph over this kind of fear.

* Will I have to make more decisions? You may worry that life will get more complicated at the next level of what you're doing. More obligations can dampen your freedom of creative flow, even if they're good opportunities. Success can rein you in a little if you have to commit to things that will make your life more rigid or deprive you of free time. Focus on the rewards.

* Will my work still be enjoyable? The road to success may seem more pleasurable than getting to a goal. Before my first book deal, I was afraid success might dim my passion for writing. The urgency to work hard fueled me to write and I didn't want to lose it. But eventually I knew I was more likely to lose the passion if I kept writing books no one read. Knowing that my books have a receptive audience is a bigger motivation than struggling. Look for the pleasure in your choices.

Just as failures teach you about yourself and how to do things better, so does success. If you feel something is holding you back, ask yourself what might scare you about actually achieving your desire. How do you feel about those factors? Talk it out with a good friend to separate true concerns from the "what ifs." Then work on your inner intentions for what you really want out of your career.

Use positive affirmations to defeat the fear. "I intend to become more successful with ease." "I'm worthy of and ready for great success." Fear will always be there. It's how you handle it that counts. Consciousness and determination get you to the other side.

Great links from Feministing.com

I just discovered this cool feature on the blog Feministing.com. It's a weekly roundup of feminist news stories. Check it out:

http://feministing.com/2011/08/14/weekly-feminist-reader-55/

Included in the list is a story about a 98-year old woman who just became the 16th person ever to earn a 10th degree black belt in Judo (amazing!) and a Glamour magazine piece about author Jess Weiner's story, "Loving My Body Almost Killed Me." There is some great stuff here! Enjoy.

Pistol Annies: An Empowering Trio

Please check out a new trio, all women, and they know exactly how to stand their ground and get what they want. Click the link below or visit www.pistolannies.com

http://youtu.be/fOKtbJfNLFk

Only One Woman on the "Super Committee"? Ouch!

Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner

Co-founder and Executive Director of Moms Rising

Posted: 8/12/11 02:02 PM ET Huffingtonpost.com

Here's the math: Women are 50.7% of our population, only 17% of Congress, and an appallingly low 8% of the Super Committee. 



This lack of representation on the debt ceiling Super Committee which is charged with cutting $1.5 trillion from the federal budget is pathetic, particularly given that critical programs -- like Medicaid, Medicare, child care, education, food assistance, and Social Security -- which have the biggest impacts on women and families are at stake.

The solutions that come out of the Super Committee need to reflect the needs of Main Street, and not just greedy Wall Street corporations.

Why is it an 'ouch' that there's only one woman on the Super Committee?

Because, as news outlets report, "When women aren't at the table, programs that disproportionately benefit and employ women -- like child care, education, food assistance, and Medicare -- are often the first to go."

It's also a problem that there's only one woman on the Super Committee because numerous studies have found that when women don't have equal representation at negotiating tables, the outcomes are worse for everyone. For example, NPR recently reported, "Psychologists have found that when groups are predominantly male, individuals tend to act in increasingly aggressive ways... They show off."

Further, the Harvard Business Review recently reported, "If a group includes more women, its collective intelligence rises."

Every bit of American ingenuity possible is needed to fix our economy -- and not having equal representation of women on the Super Committee hurts us all.

Our nation simply can't afford to continue the way we're going with tax breaks for millionaire CEOs and corporate jet owners, while the rest of us pay an unfair portion of the taxes and have poorer schools and services.

With unemployment at a high 9%, we know corporate tax cuts aren't sparking job creation for average workers. In fact, right now many corporations are paying increasingly outrageously high upper management salaries: Top executives at big companies made an incredibly high average of $10.8 million each last year, a 23 percent pay increase from just 2009. In contrast, the average worker made just $752 a week last year, or $39,104 per year, and many people can't get jobs at all.

(And while this is happening, the number of female CEOs is falling. There were 15 female CEOs in the Fortune 500 last year, and now there are only 12 female CEOs in the Fortune 500 companies. This drop is despite the fact that a 19-year Pepperdine University survey of Fortune 500 companies showed that those with the best record of promoting women outperformed the competition by anywhere from 41 to 116 percent. Our economy needs every bit of entrepreneurship possible, anddisproportionately leaving out women hampers our nation's success.)



In short, pay for CEOs is sky rocketing, while the wages of real people are stagnant, decreasing, or worse, non-existent.

Our economic system is out of whack: A Northeastern University study recently found that since 2009 "corporate profits captured 88% of the growth in real national income while aggregate wages and salaries accounted for only slightly more than 1% of the growth in real national income. ...The absence of any positive share of national income growth due to wages and salaries received by American workers during the current economic recovery is historically unprecedented."

Clearly the "trickle down" theory isn't working. We need a better approach.

At MomsRising.org our over million members tell us every day that they're struggling to pay for food, to find housing, child care, health coverage, fair pay, a lack of sick days, and more.

Stories like:

• I knew something was wrong in my breast, but I had no insurance. I knew that even if I could scrape together enough money for a mammogram, I couldn't pay for treatment. It would be a pre-existing condition if I got insurance later. So I tried not to worry for 2 years. Finally, my husband heard something on TV about free mammograms for low-income women from the Health Department, so I went in. Yes, it was breast cancer. Yes, it was invasive. And yes, treatment was paid for by Medicaid. Medicaid literally saved my life. My cancer was stage 1, treated by surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, and hormones. It's now been 9 years since my diagnosis. I\'m grateful to be alive. I would never have chosen my own treatment over house payments. My family is more important than my life. Today I'm grateful to have both. -- Gail, Utah


• My husband and I were denied a home loan last year due to my being on maternity leave. It was a tremendously frustrating experience, as I was employed and on a federally protected leave; though was told that in the eyes of the lender, I was unemployed. -- Olivia, California


• As a teacher I have seen many kids come right off the bus in the morning and head straight to the nurse's office. Some parents send their children in regardless of how their child feels because they have to go to work. These children feel miserable all day and end up passing whatever they have along to their classmates and barfing in front of all their peers. Kids get sick everyday but if all parents had paid sick time parents wouldn't feel like they had to tell their kid "you're going to school and if you feel sick later call me". Think about it, as an adult do we like to go to work when we feel bad? Well, going to school is a workday for a child and 6hrs is a long time to sit at a desk and feel sick. Paid sick days would help parents make better decisions when it comes to their sick kids. 
-- Amy, Washington
 


• I have worked in health care in NY as a Medical Practitioner and have always been paid over10.00+ an hour LESS than my male colleagues with the same or less experience (this is about 20% less) and was reprimanded for asking about this unfair policy. -- Sharon, New York





There's a serious concern that the members of Congress who were chosen for the Super Committee are out of touch with what's going on in the lives of real people.

It's simply un-American to ignore the needs of constituents while greedy corporations take their profits elsewhere.

Balanced, common-sense solutions for real people are needed. And there's wide agreement that the best way to reduce the budget deficit is by a combination of both cutting federal spending AND by increasing revenues though ending tax breaks to the very wealthy.

Representatives on the Super Committee will need to take a hard look at revenue options--and, quite simply, the Bush tax breaks and war spending can't be ignored because as one study found: "The Bush tax cuts and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan will account for almost half of the $20 trillion in debt that, under current policies, the nation will owe by 2019."

The Super Committee must prioritize putting people back to work in our nation, and not reinforce bad tax break policies for the very wealthiest Americans who can afford to buy political influence while everyday people struggle.

However, looking at the outcomes of the recent past negotiations in a Congress that's only 17% women, without more women on the Super Committee it's going to be an uphill battle to make changes we need to get our nation back on track through this avenue.

Time is wasting.

The USDA reports that 1 in 4 children in our nation are experiencing food scarcity due to family economic limitations.

We don't have time for politicians to show off, to grandstand, or to get in testosterone battles about who signed whose anti-tax contract. (And those anti-tax politicians who are competing to make our government small enough to drown it in a bathtub are in for trouble--don't they know that taxpayer dollars pay for the water that fills their tub?)

Appointing only one woman to the Super Committee was a major mistake.

Ouch.

Follow Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner on Twitter: www.twitter.com/rowefinkbeine

30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30 Magazine: glamour.com

30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30 Magazine: glamour.com
Every woman has probably been sent the chain email with the poem entitled "A Woman Should Have" credited to Maya Angelou, but the reality is there is debate surrounding whether those words are her own. Check out the article above from 2007. Even if you do not care about the debate surrounding the real author it is an easy read that may make you smile and for many may hit home. Some days it is nice to just remind yourself that being a woman only gets better with age!