Speak Out, Brother!

As it stands, I am currently the only male member of the CT NOW Board of Directors. Seeing this blog entry for the first time, you might be asking yourself a few questions.

(1) “How long has he been waiting to use this insanely clever blog entry title?”

(Answer: About a month.)

(2) “Did he join the board just to hang out with women all day?”

(Answer: No…but it doesn’t hurt.)

But the most important question:

(3) “What do men have to do with feminism?”

(Answer: Everything.)

As a male feminist, one of my inspirations is Don McPherson. Don is a former quarterback for Syracuse University, played in the NFL from 1988 to 1990, and currently is an analyst for Big East football coverage on SNY. Don is also an active feminist, speaking all over the country about issues like gender stereotypes and violence against women.

It’s one thing for women to speak out about women’s issues; more good work than we can imagine has been accomplished by women. But when “manly men” such as Don McPherson become active, it gives feminism a different perspective altogether. The fact of the matter is, women’s issues are everybody’s issues, and as men, we do women a disservice by remaining silent. These issues will persist as issues as long as men keep passing them off as “women’s issues.”

In the coming weeks, I’ll talk about a number of ways that women’s issues are also men’s issues. For now, I’ll leave you with a video clip of Don McPherson explaining just why this is the case.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This is a day for thanks,

A day in which we see or hear or feel the wonders of the other moments of the year.


This is a day for time,a day in which we think of pasts that make our present rich and future bountiful.


This is a day for joy,a day in which we share a gift of laughter, warm and gentle as a smile.


Above all, this is a day for peace.


So, let us touch each other and know that we are none.


For these and other blessings, we give thanks.

--Daniel Roselle (alt.)

Marriage for All, But Not This 20-Something

Over the last two years most of my friends have gotten married and had children, and it is not that I am not happy for them, but I feel like some of them are pressuring me to do the same, because I am now 28 and according to them time is running out. I do feel like maybe I would like to be a little further along in some aspects of my life, but I certainly don't feel like 28 is old. In fact I never wanted to get married until I was 3o and since that is only two years away now it looks like that will not happen. So many of my friends seemed shocked when I told them I wanted to wait until my mid thirties to have children. They asked me how I would have energy to play with them when I was that "old". Having a 40 year old sister who acts and looks like 21 and a mother who had two children at almost 4o I just didn't understand what they were talking about. I don't see myself being worn out in ten years. I mean that is only one third of the way through your life typically. I would hope I wouldn't be ready for a nursing home at that point, but that is what I felt like they were implying. Should I rush to get married just because I was getting older? At a baby shower last week my aunt commented on how my cousin was considered a high risk pregnancy because she was 34 years old. But a lot of women have children much later than this, healthy, happy babies with no problems. I would like to travel and work on my career, but I would like children and a family some day too. I fully support and fight for gay marriage, but I am not sure I would want marriage for myself, at least not right now. Especially with the divorce rate so high, I am in no rush. The below article describes exaclty how I feel.

Marriage for All, But Not This 20-Something

By Krystie Lee YandoliWeNews commentatorTuesday, November 22, 2011

http://womensenews.org/story/marriagedivorce/111121/marriage-all-not-20-something?page=0,1

She's an ardent proponent of marriage equality, but the ideal gets fuzzy in her own life. Krystie Lee Yandoli meditates on her part in the trend by 20-something women to delay or forego marriage.

Enjoying the Rewards
Yes, we've come a long way since the days of bartering brides in exchange for dowries, but as of now, I'm content to enjoy some of the rewards of a generation that isn't so dependent on marriage. I'm not eager to join a tradition that expects me to change my last name to that of my male counterpart and have my father walk me down the aisle and pass me over to my husband.
I support those friends who want to enter the heterosexual marriage culture--and perhaps continue to update it--but for me it's not tempting.

And I'm not alone in my hesitation to rush to the altar.

Despite the seeming wedding mood all around me on campus and on TV, Census figures in May found Americans waiting longer to get married and the median age for marriage last year was 26 for women, up from 22 in 1980.

Since 1986, the number of women ages 25 to 29 who have never married has jumped sharply, to 47 percent from 27 percent.

Women with better jobs, women with more education and women enjoying the single life (cue "Sex and the City" here) are all possible explanations.

These same women have also become increasingly liberal and progressive in our ideology and political discourse. The Gallup Poll reported in May 2011 that for the first time a majority of Americans, 53 percent, believe the law should recognize same-sex marriage.

Youth Support
The same report implies that the future of legal same-sex marriage rests with America's youth: 70 percent among those aged 18 to 34 support same-sex marriage in comparison to 39 percent among those 55 and older.

Apparently, many other young women, like me, avidly support same-sex marriage without any strong, urgent interest in entering the institution themselves.

We must be a concern and target of the social conservatives; perhaps one of the reasons they are barrage-attacking reproductive rights is to drive us back into the walls of marriage.
But that won't work for me.

I am pro-equality, pro-rights and pro-choice and I think this is true for many in my generation. It all boils down to an individual's right to choose and the government's role in enabling these rights as American citizens. As the saying goes, same-sex couples have every right to be just as miserable as straight couples.

Perhaps one day I'll grow up and change my mind about getting married. Maybe I'll find a way to honor my family's religious and cultural tradition without compromising my own values. Maybe I'll decide that it's financially beneficial to sign legal documentation with a long-time partner.

Or perhaps, better yet, I'll throw logic out the window, follow my heart, and wind up in a white wedding after all. But it would have to happen like that; while I'm making other plans.

CT Turkey Drive Coming Up Short

Foodshare needs your help!!! See below for details!

By Steven Goode, sgoode@courant.com
The Hartford Courant

3:12 p.m. EST, November 21, 2011

BLOOMFIELD ——

With less than 24 hours left in its annual pre-Thanksgiving Turkey Drive, Foodshare is falling far short of its goal of getting 19,000 birds to distribute to needy families.

As of 2 p.m. Monday, the organization had received 16,274 turkeys as part of its Turkey and a Twenty fundraising program. An updated number will be released Monday afternoon.

Amanda Renna, a spokeswoman for Foodshare, said Monday that the goal is the same as last year, but this year's donations are lower.

"We're not even close," Renna said, adding that she expected that the economy and recent storms played a role.

Renna said it's not too late to give. Foodshare is accepting donations at its location at 450 Woodland Ave. in Bloomfield until 8 p.m. Monday and is opening at 6 a.m. on Tuesday. The WDRC-FM live traveling caravan will be at the Highland Park Market in Manchester from 4 to 7 p.m.

But time is running short — the effort ends at 11 a.m. Tuesday so that needy families have time to defrost and prepare their turkeys in time for Thanksgiving dinner.

"We need donations sooner [rather than] later," Renna said.

Grocery stores in the greater Hartford area are also accepting donations. For a complete list visit the Foodshare website at http://www.foodshare.org, or call 860-286-9999.

The organization is also still working toward its goal of raising $800,000 from the effort. As of Monday almost $500,000 had been donated.

Parenthood: Helps Make Good CEOs

The Rise Of The Female CEO And The Folly Of Men Who Just Don't Get It
By Laura Yecies
11/15/2011 @ 2:19PM

On Monday last week I woke up a bit before my 5:45 alarm (yes, quite amazing how one can actually adjust to a new schedule) so had a few minutes to scan email and the online news before my hike and came across the headline “Why Most Women Will Never Become CEO.” Gene Marks, the author, is a Forbes contributor.

My first thought when I read that headline was how silly it was. After all, “Most anyone won’t be CEO.” You can put pretty name your group for the “anyone” place – most men won’t be CEO, most New Yorkers won’t be CEO, even most Harvard MBAs, though they hate to admit it, won’t be CEO.

Then I read on and was irked. And admittedly, while obviously very curious, I had to set the article aside for a few days to temper my reaction.

The article starts with a description of some negative teenage behavior (both boys and girls actually) and then a projection (without any evidence) that the silly “high school girl drama” exhibited by the author’s teenage daughters is typical of professional women.

After reading this, I should have just abandoned the article – “Reason #1” was enough to make this article not credible. But my curiosity got the best of me.

The next point is that men are incapable of taking women seriously in the office and are only focused on women’s appearance. I find this to be an insult to the many serious, professional men I have worked with over the last 23 years. Not that I am naïve to human nature and a bit of normal banter (and by the way women occasionally notice men’s hot or not-so-hot appearance) but I do believe we’ve been mostly past this for years. And to the extent it is present, we should treat this behavior as an unacceptable aberration not to be accepted.

The corollary to this point, which the author makes later, is that “men can also get away with more stupidity.” Note to any men reading this…NOT. Check in with several recently former Fortune 500 CEOs to verify.

Marks discusses the challenges that mothers have juggling working and parenting. And, yes, when in the midst of a big work project, it is hard to leave coworkers to take care of a sick child or go to your child’s sports game.

The modern reality, though, is that both genders are facing these challenges. And both men and women are facing these challenges the usual way – with a little less sleep. My observation is that parenting and home management is becoming more shared. To the extent it isn’t, then the lesson to our daughters is, if you want to maintain an active career, chose a husband who will be a partner with you. Even if the thesis is right that women are so much more instinctively bonded with their children that their juggle is harder, there are many cases where that juggling skill morphs into brilliant business multi-tasking.

Marks ends with an assertion that the women who can be CEO are the ones with the thickest skin. I think anyone who rises through the corporate ranks or the rough-and-tumble of business builds up some calluses. But for a truly effective CEO, they are calluses and not overall thick skin. Women CEOs lose as much sleep when they have to fire someone or face a tough decision. I certainly didn’t get to where I am by virtue of having thick skin.

If anything it’s the opposite. Yes, I’ve cried at work. My first year at Informix, while laying off a top employee who was a single mom; in the bathroom at the Check Point office in Israel 20 years later after my first Israeli-style “dressing down” of a proposal, and later that year in front of my staff when I got the call that one of my team member’s daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumor.

I think parenting is one of the best experiences in the world for learning empathy and if that helps in being a CEO then women–and men–are benefiting from that experience even as they juggle.

The bottom line is that many if not most of the generalizations and barriers described in said article have changed or are changing. In the cases where they are not – if women are not being taken as seriously or aren’t bringing the right skills to the table—let’s figure out how to level the playing field so that we can get the best talent involved in starting and growing businesses.

Laura Yecies is the CEO of SugarSync, the world’s fastest growing cloud (digital files) storage, sync and collaboration tool. She is a consumer software and Internet services industry veteran with two decades of experience leading top consumer brands such as ZoneAlarm, Yahoo and Netscape. Yecies has been on staff as a lecturer for International Marketing at Santa Clara University, and serves on the board of several community non-profit organizations.

Giving Thanks Happy Hour!

I just had to post a blog about CT NOW and CT NARAL's first cocktail hour tonight. I am so excited that so many of my friends will be there. I am also hoping to connect with some new people. What a perfect way to spend the evening! Don't forget to bring a non-perishable food item for the Connecticut Food Bank.

The Burnt-Out Feminist

I must admit that one of my biggest pet peeves when dealing with those of older generations than yours is when the person minimizes my stress or level of exhaustion simply because of my age. Just because I am 24 years old does not mean that I do not have anything to worry about besides painting my nails, flat-ironing my hair, and stalking the latest trend on Facebook. The fact is I am 24 years old, do all of that, AND also go to graduate school full-time with two internships, waitress part time for some type of income, have two classes to worry about and take care of a dog, boyfriend, friendships, and family in my "free time". Not to mention the piles of folded laundry that seem to never be able to get back into that bureau, the dishes that never seem to put themselves away, and the other mundane chores that are simply overlooked. Oh, and how could I possibly forget how much fun it is to deal with the student loans and pressure to find full-time employment to pay such loans, as well as simply live and function in life, in this sad economy.

I am young, yes, but I am stressed like any other person in America today. According to this article, though, women are really falling prey to such stress and exhaustion, especially those 30 years or younger! Check it out & school yourself! Don't let yourself become another one of the fallen...