How I Blew $1,000 and Ruined Christmas: 3 Lessons on Giving Gifts
Justine Rivero, ContributorForbes Women
It cost me $1,000 to figure out the meaning of Christmas. With less than a week before the big day and crunch time closing in on panicked shoppers, take a few of the lessons I learned on the art of giving.
My first job out of college, I spent nearly $1,000 on Christmas presents for my boyfriend. It was a financially hopeless gesture that went straight to my credit card, but what can I say, I’m a hopeless holiday romantic. However, when I didn’t find a similarly priced Golden Retriever puppy under the tree, I sulked for weeks over the disappointment and stressed for months over the debt.
Somewhere between being a bright-eyed tyke showered with presents from Dad and Mom and growing up and affording gifts ourselves, what happened to our approach to giving?
Returning, re-gifting and reselling unwanted gifts is less of a holiday faux pas these days. In fact, an American Express survey found that 79% of consumers deem re-gifting socially acceptable during the holidays. After all, shouldn’t we give and get what we really want for Christmas?
In our last few days before Christmas, how can we think about gifts meaningfully? Here are three lessons, learned $1,000 in debt later, to take with you on your last-minute shopping spree.
1) More expensive doesn’t mean better. The year I spent a grand on Christmas presents, the gift my boyfriend talked about the most wasn’t the Lakers tickets or designer watch I got him. I saw the childlike wonder on his bearded face the night I took him to an outdoor park for a public screening of his favorite Will Ferrell flick, complete with hot chocolate and popcorn. While I thought Kobe or Dolce & Gabbana would steal his heart, I should’ve realized that all it took to make him happy was food and Ferrell. In this last week of rushed Christmas shopping, it’s easy to overspend on gifts we didn’t think through (hello, re-gift closet) or charge over-budget purchases on credit (hello, debt). But spending a significant amount of money can’t compensate for spending a significant amount of time thinking through a truly great present.
2) Give whimsy, not practicality. When the Hummer H2 debuted its monstrous frame, my Dad covetously pointed out every single one on the road, especially the obnoxious yellow ones. For Christmas that year, my brothers and I got him a sunshine-colored Hummer H2– the remote control car version. By sunset Christmas Day, Dad had crashed into the neighbor’s mailbox, ran over Mom’s rose garden, and repeatedly mentioned how smart his children were to not impose the real gas guzzler on him. Sure, Aunt Sue was planning on getting a new crock pot anyway and your brother is in desperate need of new winter boots. But the memorable gifts are the ones that your loved ones want but won’t necessarily buy for themselves. In what small way can your humble Christmas present make a wish come true?
3) Take yourself out of the Christmas equation. Admit it: when you give something, you’re expecting an equally great thing in return. When I expected an expensive puppy in return for the basketball tickets and designer duds I gave, I turned gift-giving into a practice of finding “stuff” of equal thoughtfulness, price and value. Plain and simple, it was selfish, and it turned the magic of gift giving into a financial transaction. As children, our parents showered us with Christmas presents even though all we had to give in return was a glitter-covered macaroni ornament. How can we learn to place generosity over reciprocity? If you knew you weren’t getting anything in return, would that change what kind of present you’d give a loved one?
Not every present we will give or receive this Christmas will be perfect. There’s the inevitable reindeer-shaped bottle opener we’ll shelve ‘til next Christmas, the gift basket we’ll bring to work for co-workers to scavenge, and pricey boots in the wrong size that will end up on eBay.
While we can’t control what we’ll get for Christmas, we can decide how we will give.
In consideration of financially-strapped loved ones, maybe next year you can plan a Secret Santa so they won’t have to buy gifts for 20 family members. Or skip physical gifts entirely, and make a donation to a charity in your loved one’s name through sites like Just Give and CharityChoice Gift Cards. Another do-good alternative is Kiva, which allows you to fund a microloan on behalf of your loved one for impoverished entrepreneurs across the globe.
So what happened to that $1,000 Christmas debt? I paid it off by the following Christmas, perked up my credit score, and learned financial responsibility along the way. While it was a great learning moment, that wasn’t what made Christmas so memorable that year.
That Christmas, my apartment was too small for a Christmas tree. My childhood Christmases were always filled with the fragrance of Douglas Firs, fresh from the Santa Cruz Mountains, so a wave of homesickness hit me hard. One night, I walked into my boyfriend’s apartment to find his living room wall covered in rainbow Christmas lights, strung up in the shape of a Christmas tree. A homemade feast of my favorites awaited me: dill and feta-stuffed salmon, mushroom risotto, herb focaccia bread, goat cheese studded with blueberries, and mango sherbet for dessert. It didn’t have a price tag, but it was worth far more than any $1,000 gift I could give.
Learning to truly appreciate the person behind the gift—that’s what Christmas means to me now.
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