9/30/11
It Is Almost Time to Love Your Body!
Just a friendly reminder this morning that the Love Your Body 5k is almost here. Do not forget to sign up! The race is October 22, 2011 and we hope to see our faithful runners and walkers as well as first-timers out there strutting their stuff! Be proud of your beauty and help CT NOW promote healthy body image for girls and guys alike throughout Connecticut. Sign up now!
9/29/11
The Best Birthday Ever
One of the things I look forward to on Sundays is the Modern Love column in the New York Times. The column explores all types of love- romantic, parental, sisterly, brotherly, friendly, pet-ly. It's written by real people about real life experiences.
I think this past Sunday, the New York Times gave me an early birthday present. Yesterday, I turned 39 and felt like I should be turning 29. I've had angst about being almost 40 and unmarried or unpartnered. Dating at this age is now different, you get this feeling like you have to explain why you're still not married. It doesn't matter that I've done some pretty amazing stuff and am a person of quality, there's always this lingering question mark as to what is wrong with you.
Earlier this month, my approaching birthday gave me pause to reflect on the life goals I planned for myself at age 14 and I saw myself coming up short. I started to run down the checklist of where do I still have holes. I'm good on the career thing, although I thought I'd be a US Senator by now. Damn that Blumenthal!
The being married, having a house and kids-- not even close to being good there. When talking to fellow same age singletons (to borrow a Sex and the City phrase), who interestingly are all successful career women, it's almost like we're in a daze trying to understand where it is we went wrong. Of course, we find all the flaws with ourselves, open them up for examination and figure out ways to work on them.
We've gone to therapy because maybe we have commitment issues. We go to Weight Watchers and the gym because our body can always be improved. We go to Barneys or Target (some nice stuff there) to find the right look. We take more French, cooking or history classes because we can always be smarter or learn how to cook the right dishes. We start to doubt who we are, even if we are the most confident of people.
While I've done most of the above in the name of self-improvement and to build a stronger, healthier me, I can't deny that I've also thought maybe it'll make me a more attractive person and ready for when that great guy arrives. (Feminist betrayal?)
The writer of the below article has a similar experience, and she finds the right partner-- at age 39. And when she does, realizes it was all about timing and finding the right person who appreciates her flaws equally as her strengths. Acceptance.
Similarly, my birthday yesterday made me realize something. While I've spent the past month (no kidding), sweating the arrival of my 39th birthday because of everything I am not; the amazing, wonderful people in my life made me realize that it's more about everything I am. And for that, I thank them for one of the best birthdays ever.
Sometimes, It’s Not You
By SARA ECKEL
Published: September 23, 2011
On my first date with Mark, he asked how long it had been since my last relationship.
I looked at the table, cupping my hand around my beer. I had always hated this question. It seemed so brazenly evaluative — an employment counselor inquiring about a gap in your résumé, a dental hygienist asking how often you flossed.
I knew he wasn’t appraising me. We had worked together for two months, and in this crowded bar we spoke with the easiness and candor of good friends — he told me about the pain of his divorce, the financial strain, the loneliness. He had been hanging around my office, sending flirty e-mails and — most adorable to me and mortifying to him — blushing whenever I spoke to him. He was kind of in the bag.
But still I didn’t answer. I didn’t want him to know the truth: that I was 39 and hadn’t had a serious boyfriend in eight years. I had seen men balk at this information before — even when the numbers were lower. They would look at me in a cool and curious way, as if I were a restaurant with too few customers, a house that had been listed for too long. One man actually said it: “What’s wrong with you?”
“I don’t know,” I had answered.
“But you’re attractive?” he said, as if he wasn’t sure anymore.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” I said. “I don’t know why.”
Now, faced with Mark’s innocent question, I hedged. “A long time,” I said quickly.
Mark didn’t seem to notice the evasion. He sipped his beer, and we moved on to other topics — our co-workers, Douglas Coupland novels, Seattle — and then, on a street corner outside the bar, to our first kiss. I knew I would eventually have to tell him. But not yet.
When my long-ago date asked that question — “What’s wrong with you?” — I was, of course, outraged. I finished my drink, said I had to get up early. But honestly, his question was no worse than the one I asked myself nearly every day. It wasn’t full-blown self-loathing, more a hollowness that hit me in the chest at certain times — a long subway ride home from a mediocre date, a phone conversation with a married friend who suddenly said she has to go, her husband just took the roast out of the oven.
My solace came from the place where single women usually find it: my other single friends. We would gather on weekend nights, swapping funny and tragic stories of our dismal dating lives, reassuring one another of our collective beauty, intelligence and kindness, marveling at the idiocy of men who failed to see this in our friends.
Mostly, we would try to make sense of it all. Were our married friends really so much more desirable than we were? Once in a while someone would declare that married women were actually miserable, that it was they who envied us. But this theory never got too far — we knew our married friends wouldn’t switch places with us, no matter how much they complained about their husbands.
Of course, there are many popular books and television shows that detail the lives of such women, but in those stories adorable men constantly approach the heroines in parks and bus stops and ask them to dinner. The sitcom single woman is never alone for long. She skips from one man to the next, changing boyfriends as frequently as she does purses. My friends and I had various dates and mini-relationships, but mostly we were alone.
While many of us watched and enjoyed these shows — and didn’t entirely mind when people remarked that our lives were “just like” the protagonists’ — the stereotype they created of the over-30, man-hunting singleton cast a shadow over us. Being an unattached woman who would rather not be somehow meant you were a nitwit, a bubblehead who had few concerns beyond shopping, pedicures and “Will he call?” My friends and I had no interest in shopping or pedicures, but that didn’t stop us from feeling wildly embarrassed that we longed for love.
Admitting that you wanted a husband — much less that you were distraught you didn’t have one — seemed like a betrayal of feminism. We were supposed to be better than this. (Not that any actual feminists said it was so awful to want a relationship. The e-mails we received from NOW and Planned Parenthood focused on reproductive rights and equal pay, not dating and marriage.)
Professing a need for love could also be taken as evidence that you weren’t ready for it. One December night when I was having drinks with a married male friend, he grew exasperated with my (admittedly annoying) complaints about having to spend yet another holiday season without a partner. “Sara, in almost every way you have it together,” he said, “but on this one topic you turn into this ridiculous girl!”
Like single women everywhere, I had bought into the idea that the problem must be me, that there was some essential flaw — arrogance, low self-esteem, fear of commitment — that needed to be fixed. I needed to be fixed.
As a freelance writer, I couldn’t afford a good therapist, but my job did give me access to some of the country’s best mental-health professionals. As I wrote articles on first dates and break-ups, I interviewed psychology professors and therapists, shamelessly peppering the conversation with anecdotes from my own life. I was trying to get at the root of the problem — for the benefit of womankind, and for myself.
I also talked to a lot of self-help authors. There was the Tough-Love Married Lady who declared the key to finding a soul mate was to grow up, quit whining and do something about your hair. There was the Magical Soul-Mate Finder who prescribed keeping a journal, long hikes, candle-lighted bubble baths and other hocus-pocus. And there was The Man — i.e., a moderately cute guy who wrote a book — who gave insider tips on how to hook up with him, which involved not being critical and having long hair.
So I grew my hair out. I took bubble baths. And, of course, I started examining my issues. Was my failure a result of my latent commitment-phobia (cleverly masked as really wanting commitment), as one helmet-haired expert implied? Did I feel inherently unworthy and broadcast that low self-assessment to every man I met? (Another gentle suggestion.) Did my failure to “love myself” mean I was unable to love another?
Or was I not positive enough? The experts agreed that a positive attitude was very important for attracting men. I could see it — sure. But this is not my strength. I believe global warming is real and heaven is a fantasy. I believe people who think “everything happens for a reason” must have never opened a newspaper. Some may call it negative. I call it realistic.
A lot of good things happened during my period of constructing Sara 2.0. I went to artists’ colonies, taught storytelling to young people from disadvantaged backgrounds, adopted a rescue dog, learned to do a handstand — all under the banner of “Learning to Love My Single Life.” And I made sure everyone knew my life was super-duper awesome with or without a man — my adorable apartment! my fulfilling career! my amazing friends! But I also knew I couldn’t play that card too often, lest the Greek chorus conclude that my well-oiled life left no room for love. As a male friend once told me, “Sometimes you see a woman who has her act together so well that you think, What does she need me for?”
My efforts yielded many friends and filled my calendar with fulfilling activities. I went on Internet dates, speed dates and blind dates. I had great hair and a confident smile. But I was still alone. And in the dark of Saturday night, I still asked myself, “What’s wrong with me?”
Mark and I dated for a month before I revealed my shoddy relationship résumé. When I did, he shrugged. “Lucky for me,” he said, “all those other guys were idiots.”
And that was it. To Mark, I was not a problem to solve, a puzzle that needed working out. I was the girl he was falling in love with, just as I was falling in love with him.
Six years later, this past June, he and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. My close friends — the ones with whom I had shared many impromptu therapy sessions — had come to the wedding in a small Brooklyn park. And so had their husbands.
Did we find love because we grew up, got real and worked through our issues? No. We just found the right guys. We found men who love us even though we’re still cranky and neurotic, haven’t got our careers together, and sometimes talk too loudly, drink too much and swear at the television news. We have gray hairs and unfashionable clothes and bad attitudes. They love us, anyway.
What’s wrong with me? Plenty. But that was never the point.
I think this past Sunday, the New York Times gave me an early birthday present. Yesterday, I turned 39 and felt like I should be turning 29. I've had angst about being almost 40 and unmarried or unpartnered. Dating at this age is now different, you get this feeling like you have to explain why you're still not married. It doesn't matter that I've done some pretty amazing stuff and am a person of quality, there's always this lingering question mark as to what is wrong with you.
Earlier this month, my approaching birthday gave me pause to reflect on the life goals I planned for myself at age 14 and I saw myself coming up short. I started to run down the checklist of where do I still have holes. I'm good on the career thing, although I thought I'd be a US Senator by now. Damn that Blumenthal!
The being married, having a house and kids-- not even close to being good there. When talking to fellow same age singletons (to borrow a Sex and the City phrase), who interestingly are all successful career women, it's almost like we're in a daze trying to understand where it is we went wrong. Of course, we find all the flaws with ourselves, open them up for examination and figure out ways to work on them.
We've gone to therapy because maybe we have commitment issues. We go to Weight Watchers and the gym because our body can always be improved. We go to Barneys or Target (some nice stuff there) to find the right look. We take more French, cooking or history classes because we can always be smarter or learn how to cook the right dishes. We start to doubt who we are, even if we are the most confident of people.
While I've done most of the above in the name of self-improvement and to build a stronger, healthier me, I can't deny that I've also thought maybe it'll make me a more attractive person and ready for when that great guy arrives. (Feminist betrayal?)
The writer of the below article has a similar experience, and she finds the right partner-- at age 39. And when she does, realizes it was all about timing and finding the right person who appreciates her flaws equally as her strengths. Acceptance.
Similarly, my birthday yesterday made me realize something. While I've spent the past month (no kidding), sweating the arrival of my 39th birthday because of everything I am not; the amazing, wonderful people in my life made me realize that it's more about everything I am. And for that, I thank them for one of the best birthdays ever.
Sometimes, It’s Not You
By SARA ECKEL
Published: September 23, 2011
On my first date with Mark, he asked how long it had been since my last relationship.
I looked at the table, cupping my hand around my beer. I had always hated this question. It seemed so brazenly evaluative — an employment counselor inquiring about a gap in your résumé, a dental hygienist asking how often you flossed.
I knew he wasn’t appraising me. We had worked together for two months, and in this crowded bar we spoke with the easiness and candor of good friends — he told me about the pain of his divorce, the financial strain, the loneliness. He had been hanging around my office, sending flirty e-mails and — most adorable to me and mortifying to him — blushing whenever I spoke to him. He was kind of in the bag.
But still I didn’t answer. I didn’t want him to know the truth: that I was 39 and hadn’t had a serious boyfriend in eight years. I had seen men balk at this information before — even when the numbers were lower. They would look at me in a cool and curious way, as if I were a restaurant with too few customers, a house that had been listed for too long. One man actually said it: “What’s wrong with you?”
“I don’t know,” I had answered.
“But you’re attractive?” he said, as if he wasn’t sure anymore.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” I said. “I don’t know why.”
Now, faced with Mark’s innocent question, I hedged. “A long time,” I said quickly.
Mark didn’t seem to notice the evasion. He sipped his beer, and we moved on to other topics — our co-workers, Douglas Coupland novels, Seattle — and then, on a street corner outside the bar, to our first kiss. I knew I would eventually have to tell him. But not yet.
When my long-ago date asked that question — “What’s wrong with you?” — I was, of course, outraged. I finished my drink, said I had to get up early. But honestly, his question was no worse than the one I asked myself nearly every day. It wasn’t full-blown self-loathing, more a hollowness that hit me in the chest at certain times — a long subway ride home from a mediocre date, a phone conversation with a married friend who suddenly said she has to go, her husband just took the roast out of the oven.
My solace came from the place where single women usually find it: my other single friends. We would gather on weekend nights, swapping funny and tragic stories of our dismal dating lives, reassuring one another of our collective beauty, intelligence and kindness, marveling at the idiocy of men who failed to see this in our friends.
Mostly, we would try to make sense of it all. Were our married friends really so much more desirable than we were? Once in a while someone would declare that married women were actually miserable, that it was they who envied us. But this theory never got too far — we knew our married friends wouldn’t switch places with us, no matter how much they complained about their husbands.
Of course, there are many popular books and television shows that detail the lives of such women, but in those stories adorable men constantly approach the heroines in parks and bus stops and ask them to dinner. The sitcom single woman is never alone for long. She skips from one man to the next, changing boyfriends as frequently as she does purses. My friends and I had various dates and mini-relationships, but mostly we were alone.
While many of us watched and enjoyed these shows — and didn’t entirely mind when people remarked that our lives were “just like” the protagonists’ — the stereotype they created of the over-30, man-hunting singleton cast a shadow over us. Being an unattached woman who would rather not be somehow meant you were a nitwit, a bubblehead who had few concerns beyond shopping, pedicures and “Will he call?” My friends and I had no interest in shopping or pedicures, but that didn’t stop us from feeling wildly embarrassed that we longed for love.
Admitting that you wanted a husband — much less that you were distraught you didn’t have one — seemed like a betrayal of feminism. We were supposed to be better than this. (Not that any actual feminists said it was so awful to want a relationship. The e-mails we received from NOW and Planned Parenthood focused on reproductive rights and equal pay, not dating and marriage.)
Professing a need for love could also be taken as evidence that you weren’t ready for it. One December night when I was having drinks with a married male friend, he grew exasperated with my (admittedly annoying) complaints about having to spend yet another holiday season without a partner. “Sara, in almost every way you have it together,” he said, “but on this one topic you turn into this ridiculous girl!”
Like single women everywhere, I had bought into the idea that the problem must be me, that there was some essential flaw — arrogance, low self-esteem, fear of commitment — that needed to be fixed. I needed to be fixed.
As a freelance writer, I couldn’t afford a good therapist, but my job did give me access to some of the country’s best mental-health professionals. As I wrote articles on first dates and break-ups, I interviewed psychology professors and therapists, shamelessly peppering the conversation with anecdotes from my own life. I was trying to get at the root of the problem — for the benefit of womankind, and for myself.
I also talked to a lot of self-help authors. There was the Tough-Love Married Lady who declared the key to finding a soul mate was to grow up, quit whining and do something about your hair. There was the Magical Soul-Mate Finder who prescribed keeping a journal, long hikes, candle-lighted bubble baths and other hocus-pocus. And there was The Man — i.e., a moderately cute guy who wrote a book — who gave insider tips on how to hook up with him, which involved not being critical and having long hair.
So I grew my hair out. I took bubble baths. And, of course, I started examining my issues. Was my failure a result of my latent commitment-phobia (cleverly masked as really wanting commitment), as one helmet-haired expert implied? Did I feel inherently unworthy and broadcast that low self-assessment to every man I met? (Another gentle suggestion.) Did my failure to “love myself” mean I was unable to love another?
Or was I not positive enough? The experts agreed that a positive attitude was very important for attracting men. I could see it — sure. But this is not my strength. I believe global warming is real and heaven is a fantasy. I believe people who think “everything happens for a reason” must have never opened a newspaper. Some may call it negative. I call it realistic.
A lot of good things happened during my period of constructing Sara 2.0. I went to artists’ colonies, taught storytelling to young people from disadvantaged backgrounds, adopted a rescue dog, learned to do a handstand — all under the banner of “Learning to Love My Single Life.” And I made sure everyone knew my life was super-duper awesome with or without a man — my adorable apartment! my fulfilling career! my amazing friends! But I also knew I couldn’t play that card too often, lest the Greek chorus conclude that my well-oiled life left no room for love. As a male friend once told me, “Sometimes you see a woman who has her act together so well that you think, What does she need me for?”
My efforts yielded many friends and filled my calendar with fulfilling activities. I went on Internet dates, speed dates and blind dates. I had great hair and a confident smile. But I was still alone. And in the dark of Saturday night, I still asked myself, “What’s wrong with me?”
Mark and I dated for a month before I revealed my shoddy relationship résumé. When I did, he shrugged. “Lucky for me,” he said, “all those other guys were idiots.”
And that was it. To Mark, I was not a problem to solve, a puzzle that needed working out. I was the girl he was falling in love with, just as I was falling in love with him.
Six years later, this past June, he and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. My close friends — the ones with whom I had shared many impromptu therapy sessions — had come to the wedding in a small Brooklyn park. And so had their husbands.
Did we find love because we grew up, got real and worked through our issues? No. We just found the right guys. We found men who love us even though we’re still cranky and neurotic, haven’t got our careers together, and sometimes talk too loudly, drink too much and swear at the television news. We have gray hairs and unfashionable clothes and bad attitudes. They love us, anyway.
What’s wrong with me? Plenty. But that was never the point.
9/28/11
Billionaire Investor Alwaleed Opposes Decision To Lash A Saudi Woman Driver
By Karry Dolan
From Forbes.com
Just two days after Saudi King Abdullah announced that women in his country will be allowed to vote and run for some political offices, a Saudi court sentenced a woman in Jeddah Tuesday to 10 lashes as a punishment for driving. Among those who oppose the court’s decision is Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal, a billionaire investor and nephew of the king. Alwaleed added that the lashing punishment goes against the king’s announcement on Sunday to give women the right to vote beginning in 2015. He believes this was done by conservative people who want to harm the King's name. He and his wife, Princess Ameerah believe this must be an evolution not a revolution. It will take some time for women to gain rights.
From Forbes.com
Just two days after Saudi King Abdullah announced that women in his country will be allowed to vote and run for some political offices, a Saudi court sentenced a woman in Jeddah Tuesday to 10 lashes as a punishment for driving. Among those who oppose the court’s decision is Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal, a billionaire investor and nephew of the king. Alwaleed added that the lashing punishment goes against the king’s announcement on Sunday to give women the right to vote beginning in 2015. He believes this was done by conservative people who want to harm the King's name. He and his wife, Princess Ameerah believe this must be an evolution not a revolution. It will take some time for women to gain rights.
In reading this I feel like people in the Saudi court who handed down this punishment were trying to punish women for the strides they had made when they gained the right to vote. What do others think?
9/27/11
Four Networking Mistakes You Don't Want to Make!!
Four Networking Mistakes You Don't Know You're Making
By Diane Kulseth | The Daily Muse
Whether you’re looking for a job or not, you’ve probably been encouraged to “network, network, network!” more times than you can count. Are all those conferences and events you’re attending leading to new connections or opportunities?
No? You’re not the only one. Many networking newbies have tendencies that actually inhibit building real relationships with their new contacts.
The good news: it’s not that hard to fix. Here’s what you might not even realize you’re doing wrong—and what to do about it.
Mistake #1: Talking about Yourself -- All the Time
You’re talented! Eager! Ambitious! You have lots of ideas to share! And you want to make sure that every person you meet at the event knows who you are and what you do!
We get it. And yes, sharing your story with new contacts is important. But sharing your life story is overkill: Nothing can set a person off more than an aspiring professional who takes no interest in anything beside her own ambitions.
The Fix: Take Some Interest. Stop highlighting your latest accomplishment and start listening instead. Find people with industries or careers of interest to you, and ask them questions: How did they get their start? What do they love about their jobs, and what do they wish they could change? By taking an interest in your contact, you will make her feel valued—and hopefully interested in continuing the relationship. And you’ll likely gain some new insights, too.
Mistake #2: Expecting a Job
You’re looking for a new job, so you hit the circuit of industry events every week, asking every person you meet to help you find your new gig—after all, it’s not what you know, it’s who.
Well, yes. But give people some credit: If you pursue networking opportunities purely for the job prospects, your contacts will figure you out. You will leave them feeling used, and they will be less likely to recommend you for an opportunity.
The Fix: Provide Some Value. If you’re looking for a job, don’t ask for it—work for it. Do some research into what your contact does both in and out of work and find ways that you can contribute your time or support. Perhaps you could volunteer your expertise in social media for the big convention she’s heading up, or offer your accounting knowledge for her non-profit. Provide some opportunity for contacts to see you in a working light, and you’ll be that much closer to a good referral.
Mistake #3: Not Saying Thanks
You attended a large event last week and grabbed coffee with one of your new professional contacts afterward. And then—the week got busy, and you didn’t get around to saying thank you. She’ll understand, right?
Maybe. But if you don’t show gratitude, even in the smallest (or largest) event, you risk leaving a negative impression—probably not the desired outcome of your meeting.
The Fix: Just Do It. Whether you pack notecards in your purse for post-meeting scribbles, set yourself a reminder on Gmail to send off a quick note, or just insert a quick “thanks for taking time to meet with me!” at the final handshake, you must say thank you. Not only will you solidify your reputation as a courteous individual, but you won’t be leaving your contacts with a bad taste in their mouths. Always say thank you, and your good impression will last until your next meeting.
Mistake #4: Forgetting to Follow Up
You meet someone over a networking happy hour and tell her you’ll send her your portfolio. But as the night goes on, she has a few drinks and meets a few dozen more people. You’re sure she’s forgotten all about you, so you decide it’s not even worth emailing her the next day.
Bad idea. Meeting someone is just the first step in networking. In order to forge a lasting relationship (and make sure people don’t forget you), you need to follow up, every single time.
The Fix: Stay Accountable. If you told a networking contact that you would do something, do it. Even if you’re not sure she remembers you, you can bet that she will be grateful that you took the time out of your day to send her what you had discussed. If you’re worried about forgetting, keep a pen near your business card holder to quickly scribble out what follow-up actions you have for that contact, and review your cards after the event.
Above all, keep in mind that networking isn’t about short-term gain, but about learning, growing, and forming connections. Adopt good social habits, and you’ll see your skills and comfort improve, your opportunities increase, and your relationships grow—for the long haul.
9/26/11
Saudi women given right to vote...soon
Article from BBC News web site: Saudi women soon to be allowed to vote
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-15055066?print=true
Middle East
25 September 2011 Last updated at 14:20 ET
First step for Saudi women's rights
By Caryle Murphy
King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz's announcement that women are theoretically to be given the same opportunities for political participation as men is potentially the most important advance for Saudi women's rights in decades, and underscores the king's reformist stature.
The new opportunities offered by the king seem groundbreaking. But, some observers say, in practice they may be limited by restrictions imposed by the Saudi interpretation of Islamic law.
Those restrictions include the guardianship system under which women need permission from a male relative to participate in public life.
Still, the royal declaration made in a speech before the Shura Council, an advisory body of appointed members, was hailed as historic by many Saudis, both male and female.
"I haven't been able to take my breath," said Hatoon al-Fassi, a university professor and women's rights activist in Riyadh.
"We're so excited. We believe it's the response to our demands, the first step in our long struggle to get our rights."
"I'm very happy about it," said Mohammed al-Zulfa, a former member of the Shura, who has long sought greater freedoms for Saudi women.
"The king knows what the silent majority thinks and today he told them: 'I know what you are thinking and I'm saying it now.'"
Ovations
King Abdullah's reformist stance, especially in regard to women's rights, has been evident since he ascended the throne in 2005.
In his short speech on Sunday, interrupted by several standing ovations, he made this crystal-clear. Muslim women, he said, had given "opinions and advice since the era of Prophet Muhammad".
The king added: "Because we refuse to marginalise women in society in all roles that comply with sharia, we have decided, after deliberation with our senior clerics... to involve women in the Shura Council as members."
The king said women's participation in the council would begin in the next session, in about 18 months' time.
In addition, he said women would "have the right to nominate themselves" as candidates in elections for municipal councils and to vote in those elections when they are held in four years' time.
Women, however, will not be allowed to vote in the current municipal council elections, which start on Thursday and will be held over several days. More than 5,000 men are competing as candidates in that poll.
'Real Islam'
The delayed implementation of the royal decree is likely to dampen the initial enthusiasm and excitement of many women.
But current Shura member Osama al-Kurdi said: "You have to look at the positive side of things. Women have waited [for their rights] since the early 1960s when they first began being educated. Everyone is excited here at this big news and implementation is going to happen at the right moment."
Sociologist Khalid al-Dakhil praised the decisions as "good steps in the right direction".
But, Mr Dakhil added, the moves "don't live up to the expectations of people at this time" which aim to have the Shura become an elected body with powers similar to a parliament.
He said it is likely that ultra-conservatives "will be out of their minds" with anger at the king's announcement.
But, anticipating this, the king placed his decision squarely within sharia law and Islamic history. "He's doing this in accordance with real Islam, as we know it," said Mr Zulfa. "Real Islam is getting women's rights and being full members of society."
Undoubtedly, King Abdullah's decrees will be seen as a consequence of the pro-reform movement that has rumbled through the Arab world this year.
The uprisings in Egypt, Libya, Tunisia, Yemen, Syria and Bahrain have rattled Riyadh, which has sought to dampen discontent among its citizens by disbursing financial benefits.
However, a growing slice of Saudi society still wants political and economic reforms, especially an end to corruption. It is likely that the king had this slice in mind when he made his announcement on Sunday.
Driver's seat?
It is also possible that the recently launched grassroots campaign to have the ban on women drivers lifted may have encouraged the king.
That campaign, which began in June, is continuing as individual women take to the wheel to do errands.
One of the campaign's supporters, Khulood al-Fahad, 33, a businesswoman and women's rights activist in the Eastern Province, says the king's speech caught women off-guard.
"We are all surprised by this today because we are waiting for the right to drive a car," she said. "We didn't expect this."
Ms Fahad says the royal decree only brings closer the day when Saudi women will be able to drive, because it makes the ban even more untenable.
A Saudi woman, she observes, will soon be able to sit in the Shura, "but she can't drive her car?" However a royal decision on that, Ms Fahad believes, "will not take more than a year" to emerge.
Caryle Murphy is a fellow at the Woodrow Wilson International Center for Scholars in Washington, DC. She worked in Saudi Arabia as a freelance journalist in 2008-2011.
9/25/11
Do Dominant Women Have Less Sex?
A new study by John Hopkins University shows that empowered women in control of households could loose out on sex. Published in the Journal of Sex in October, the study showed that women who are more dominant and assertive have 100 times less sex. This means that women who make decisions on their own instead of jointly have less sex. The location of these women also plays a role. 300,000 women were surveyed from 37 countries found that countries with a higher gender equality had more casual sex and more casual partners. In nations with less equality between the sexes, the opposite was true. Understanding how women's position in the household influences their sexual activity may be an essential piece in protecting the sexual rights of women and helping them to achieve a sexual life that is both safe and pleasurable.
In reading this it frustrates me. I am all for joint decision making but this study suggests that women get punished for taking control of their lives and making decisions. I would hope my confidence to make my own decisions or decisions for our household would impress my partner not the opposite. Do you think this proves that the men in this study are happier when their female partners are submissive?
9/24/11
Career Lessons From A Serial Job Hopper
By Elizabeth Lowman | The Daily Muse
Confession: I have been in the workforce for 10 years and have held nearly as many jobs. In my defense, I have never started a job with the intention of only staying a short time -- my reasons for leaving range from realizing the position wasn't a good fit to beinglaid off to even moving to another state for my husband's job. But the reality is, the work experience section of my resume is lengthy and I fall firmly into the category of a "serial job hopper."
Older generations, my father included, held the belief that staying in a job for less than a couple of years showed disloyalty or unreliability. But while I admit that job hopping isn't an ideal scenario, I have no regrets about my career's "creative path." I've learned a lot about myself, and even more about my goals. If you find yourself defending -- or questioning yourself about -- a short-term stay at a job, let me share a few of the lessons I've learned.
1. No Job is Perfect, but You Don't Have to be Miserable
It would be foolish to expect to love everything about a company or job, but I strongly believe in the right to have more good days than bad ones. Sure, in tough economic times when many consider themselves lucky to have a job at all, there's less room to be picky, but there are always companies looking for talent.
So if you find yourself curled up in the fetal position on Sundays because you're dreading work the next day -- and this has been going on for months -- it's time to reassess your situation. It’s a good idea to start by trying to address the issue internally: ask your supervisor to adapt your position to better suit your interests, ask to pursue projects outside of your exact role, or even ask for a promotion.
But if things don't improve, don't be afraid of looking for a new job just because you haven't "put enough time in" at your current one yet. If you have desirable qualifications, hiring managers can be forgiving if you have a valid reason for moving on. I'm living proof.
2. You Can Learn with Every Step
There's a lot you can learn from every "hop" you make. Figure out what you like and what you don't. And, even if moving on wasn't fully your choice, you should look at the variety of responsibilitiesyou've had as an advantage.
In my field of marketing communications, daily tasks can vary from PR to website maintenance to content development. In my job hopping, I've been able to dabble in a bit of everything -- and I now know where my strengths lie as well as what tasks I most enjoy. I'm now better able to figure out how to find a good fit in my next job.
3. The Company is Just as Important as the Position
Another thing you'll get better at as you go: deciphering company culture. Every company has its own distinct culture, and how you fit into it is important. Start looking for this fit -- not just the fit of the job description -- early in any interview. Don't be afraid to ask specific questions about the culture from the get-go, because that can be your key to being happier longer.
My stints at different companies have allowed me to pinpoint what atmosphere makes a good fit for me and what to look for during my search. Know what works for you -- and what doesn't. For example, if you know you work best when you're comfortable and casual and the dress coderequires suits, chances are it’ll wear on you over time. A small thing? Sure. But many small things like this can add up and cause big-time unhappiness.
4. You Can Always Get Extra Help
Lastly, if you feel like your job history is getting in the way of finding a new position, here's a secret:meet with recruiters. As Melissa Mitchell, a search consultant at The Mergis Group explains, "That person can become an advocate for you and push your resume through the hiring process based upon relationships they've maintained with hiring managers." So whether you have a non-traditional background, you're switching careers, or you're a fellow job hopper on the search for yet another position -- a little extra help can go a long way.
Once upon a time, job hopping was the kiss of death when searching for a new position. But in today's business environment, having a lot of diverse positions isn't looked upon quite as negatively. I’m not saying you won't run into hiring managers who frown upon it -- but it won't put you on the hiring blacklist either. Even if your career path is as choppy as mine, just take it as a learning experience and get back out there.
9/23/11
DADT Repealed, But Not Before Interrupting These Women's Careers
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/20/5-women-whose-lives-were-_n_972005.html?view=print&comm_ref=false
Check out the stories of the women in the military whose lives have been impacted by Don't Ask Don't Tell.
Check out the stories of the women in the military whose lives have been impacted by Don't Ask Don't Tell.
9/22/11
Can Looking Young Get Old?
I have to say, as I approach 40, it feels good when people think I'm in my 20s. I always give credit to my eye cream, which I've been using for decades. But in the professional aren a, I find it frustrating as I feel that I'm often not given all the responsibility I know I can handle because I may have a youthful look or personality. I'm curious if men have the same issue?
Have you ever felt professionally underestimated because you look younger than you do? Or have you ever been the one to underestimate another? Thoughts??
The below article comes from a posting on Forbes.com, and you can click here to read the commentary on it.
9/21/2011
Youth In The Office: A Blessing Or Curse?
Jenna Goudreau, Forbes Staff
As a journalist, I’m paid to observe others and communicate their challenges and successes, but sometimes the story hits closer to home. At 25-years-old and a reporter at a major-media company, my age seems constantly a topic of conversation. That’s why, when my editor tasked me with writing a series about youth in the office, I knew I wouldn’t need to look far. This is my story.
When I was near 5-years-old, the only child of a single, working mother, I was bored and dying to start school. However, the way the Florida education system was set up, you had to be age 5 by September 1. I begged my mom to let me go, who in turn begged the school to take me, but I was a month and half too young.
The school board told my mother it was a blessing. The older children usually had an advantage, they said. They may have been right. I loved learning and made an A in every class all the way up through college, except ninth-grade health (skipped too much), 10th-grade woodshop (talked too much) and 11th-grade yoga (still not sure what happened there). When I decided I wanted to accomplish something, I usually did. I became used to succeeding among my peers.
In my first full-time internship at a well-known magazine, still in college at age 20, I expected I’d be fetching coffee. I also promised myself that I’d try to make a mark. I got in early, read multiple newspapers a day, spoke up and pitched stories. I surprised myself when I pulled off multi-page print features and well-received online pieces. One longtime staff writer wasn’t as pleased. “In my day, interns didn’t do this kind of work,” she told me. You skipped the line, her eyes said.
I landed my first salaried magazine job the day after I graduated and started work the following week. I was lucky, people told me. I was 22. Invariably lost in the building the first few weeks, people would smile sympathetically in the halls and ask if I was an intern. I’d assumed my age would be an issue, so wore a rotation of blasé collared shirts and dress pants. But you can’t hide your face.
A month or so in, one of my female bosses called me to her office to tell me specifically to stop looking like an intern. She suggested I cut my hair. I felt it was more mean-girl than mentor but decided she had a point. I cut my hair. I continued building a closet of professional clothes and remained even-keeled. I wasn’t happy, but I had a job to do and was doing it well. I continued about my business.
I’ve put on a few more years since, but basically look the same. It would be hard not to look young being 5’2”, round-faced and non-committal when it comes to heels. At a recent soccer game, in a T-shirt and light makeup, I was pegged at 17. When I put on my big-girl pants and eyeliner, I pass more vaguely as a 20-something—not necessarily a term of endearment. As a group we’ve been called spoiled, entitled, stuck, lost, emerging, narcissistic and addicted to tech.
Yet, my mother calls my young face one of those “good problems.” And at times it has worked to my advantage. Bosses affectionately call me “kid,” “kiddo” and “young lady,” and take the time to offer encouragement and advice. One told me point-blank that when she looked at me she saw her daughter; she promoted me a few months later. When I show up for TV segments, the producers seem pleased by my “fresh face,” and the other reporters lean close, brows furled in wonderment. You’re so young, they say. I can approach almost anyone under the guise of mentorship. They want to help.
Outside the industry, subjects and sources often feel the need to point out their age in comparison to mine. Maybe I make them feel old. One subject tried to use my age to discredit me, so I knew I was getting to her. Others open up, let their guard down, say too much. In my reporting, if my not being intimidating helps, hey, I’ll take it.
“Never let them tell you your age is a problem,” one seasoned reporter told me last year. I know now that there’s something every generation has to offer—to a story, to a team, to a workplace. If I’ve managed to be successful despite my age or in light of it, it doesn’t matter. I am one of the lucky ones.
Have you ever felt professionally underestimated because you look younger than you do? Or have you ever been the one to underestimate another? Thoughts??
The below article comes from a posting on Forbes.com, and you can click here to read the commentary on it.
9/21/2011
Youth In The Office: A Blessing Or Curse?
Jenna Goudreau, Forbes Staff
As a journalist, I’m paid to observe others and communicate their challenges and successes, but sometimes the story hits closer to home. At 25-years-old and a reporter at a major-media company, my age seems constantly a topic of conversation. That’s why, when my editor tasked me with writing a series about youth in the office, I knew I wouldn’t need to look far. This is my story.
When I was near 5-years-old, the only child of a single, working mother, I was bored and dying to start school. However, the way the Florida education system was set up, you had to be age 5 by September 1. I begged my mom to let me go, who in turn begged the school to take me, but I was a month and half too young.
The school board told my mother it was a blessing. The older children usually had an advantage, they said. They may have been right. I loved learning and made an A in every class all the way up through college, except ninth-grade health (skipped too much), 10th-grade woodshop (talked too much) and 11th-grade yoga (still not sure what happened there). When I decided I wanted to accomplish something, I usually did. I became used to succeeding among my peers.
In my first full-time internship at a well-known magazine, still in college at age 20, I expected I’d be fetching coffee. I also promised myself that I’d try to make a mark. I got in early, read multiple newspapers a day, spoke up and pitched stories. I surprised myself when I pulled off multi-page print features and well-received online pieces. One longtime staff writer wasn’t as pleased. “In my day, interns didn’t do this kind of work,” she told me. You skipped the line, her eyes said.
I landed my first salaried magazine job the day after I graduated and started work the following week. I was lucky, people told me. I was 22. Invariably lost in the building the first few weeks, people would smile sympathetically in the halls and ask if I was an intern. I’d assumed my age would be an issue, so wore a rotation of blasé collared shirts and dress pants. But you can’t hide your face.
A month or so in, one of my female bosses called me to her office to tell me specifically to stop looking like an intern. She suggested I cut my hair. I felt it was more mean-girl than mentor but decided she had a point. I cut my hair. I continued building a closet of professional clothes and remained even-keeled. I wasn’t happy, but I had a job to do and was doing it well. I continued about my business.
I’ve put on a few more years since, but basically look the same. It would be hard not to look young being 5’2”, round-faced and non-committal when it comes to heels. At a recent soccer game, in a T-shirt and light makeup, I was pegged at 17. When I put on my big-girl pants and eyeliner, I pass more vaguely as a 20-something—not necessarily a term of endearment. As a group we’ve been called spoiled, entitled, stuck, lost, emerging, narcissistic and addicted to tech.
Yet, my mother calls my young face one of those “good problems.” And at times it has worked to my advantage. Bosses affectionately call me “kid,” “kiddo” and “young lady,” and take the time to offer encouragement and advice. One told me point-blank that when she looked at me she saw her daughter; she promoted me a few months later. When I show up for TV segments, the producers seem pleased by my “fresh face,” and the other reporters lean close, brows furled in wonderment. You’re so young, they say. I can approach almost anyone under the guise of mentorship. They want to help.
Outside the industry, subjects and sources often feel the need to point out their age in comparison to mine. Maybe I make them feel old. One subject tried to use my age to discredit me, so I knew I was getting to her. Others open up, let their guard down, say too much. In my reporting, if my not being intimidating helps, hey, I’ll take it.
“Never let them tell you your age is a problem,” one seasoned reporter told me last year. I know now that there’s something every generation has to offer—to a story, to a team, to a workplace. If I’ve managed to be successful despite my age or in light of it, it doesn’t matter. I am one of the lucky ones.
9/21/11
Don't Negotiate, Don't Complain!
In the spirit of our upcoming workshop this week (which YOU should register for!), check out this article I found on USAToday.com discussing the salary gap between male and females throughout the United States. Okay, I know we've beaten into your minds that women make less compared to their male counterparts but here's a little spin as to why... WE DON'T TRY!
Women's pay gap often starts with no negotiation on salary
If you're a mid-career woman wanting to make the same amount of money as — or more than — a male counterpart, you may have only one avenue open to you: Quit your job.
"Women will get further by just getting another job if there isn't an event such a promotion coming along," says Bill Grimm, Rollins MBA professor in entrepreneurship and negotiation at the college in Winter Park, Fla.
According to a recent federal government report, women still average only about 75 cents for every dollar a man earns, a gap that President Barack Obama has called a huge discrepancy. This wage difference exists even though women now are more likely than men to graduate from college.
Grimm says part of the problem with the continuing wage gap is that women often don't receive the same starting salaries as their male colleagues at the beginning of their careers because they aren't as likely to negotiate for more money. That's a practice that follows them throughout their careers.
Men have been found to be about four times as likely to negotiate as women while women are more than twice as likely to report they are greatly apprehensive about negotiating, research shows.
"What I've observed in my classes and in the corporate world is that women are much more likely to go for the win-win. They're focusing on the relationship more," Grimm says.
In other words, a woman may worry about angering a hiring manager or boss, so she won't ask for more money.
While some men are equally tentative about negotiating, Grimm says both men and women need to understand that hiring managers report they're not offended by someone making a counteroffer "although it can't be outrageous."
Clearly, making a counteroffer carries some risk these days when one job often has 100 applicants. Grimm says he advises his college graduates to accept the offer made because they have no bargaining power.
"I tell them to get the job then talk about salary again in a year," he says.
A survey by Negotiating Women Inc. of more than 500 women found that 60% take the outcome of their negotiations personally and may believe they are not given what they ask for because they're not valuable enough to their organizations. This survey, along with others, has shown that women believe their hard work will earn them rewards and recognition and may use that as the reason they don't negotiate.
That kind of thinking needs to change, experts say. Women who want to become better negotiators should:
• Keep track of accomplishments. E-mails from satisfied customers, notes of recognition from a team leader and even a hand-scribbled note of appreciation from the boss all should be used to demonstrate your worth in your yearly performance review. Don't be shy about asking a client to put complimentary words into a note for you to put on file, as most people are happy to sing the praises of high-quality work.
• Do your homework. Know what you're worth. Use online research and information from industry publications or professional contacts to determine if you're getting paid a salary in line with your abilities and not one just reflective of your gender.
• Practice. Have a friend or family member help you practice your negotiation tactics. Grimm says several former female students who are now in the workplace have come to him for advice on developing their negotiating muscle.
• Think about your message. Many employers will believe you are threatening to leave if you don't get the salary you request even though that may be the furthest thought from your mind. Ask the boss for specifics about what is necessary for you to receive a bigger paycheck. Then keep him or her updated on your progress. Your commitment will help relieve any doubts he or she might have that you're thinking of jumping ship.
9/20/11
How Will Women Shape the Future?
WIE Symposium 2011: HuffPost Women Talks The Future Of Media
Huffington Post
9.19.2011
Today we are thrilled to be at the 2011 WIE Symposium's Inspiration Day. This morning we were excited to host a panel titled "Fearlessness: A Bold Vision for the Next Generation of Women in Media." Christina Norman, Executive Editor of Huffington Post Black Voices, moderated a discussion and we had a phenomenal lineup of panelists:
Hanna Rosin, founding editor of DoubleX, Atlantic contributing editor, and author of a forthcoming book based on her now famous piece "The End of Men;" Pat Mitchell, president and CEO of The Paley Center; Hilary Rosen, managing director of the Public Affairs and Communications Practice of SKDKnickerbocker; and Lori Leibovich, The Huffington Post's executive women's editor.
In keeping with the topic, Christina Norman started the conversation by citing a few facts about women in media:
-Since Katie Couric left the CBS Evening News, Diane Sawyer is the only remaining female news anchor. While there are more female anchors in cable news, the picture for women as expert commentators and guests isn't as pretty. In 2008, 67% of the guests on primetime cable news shows were men, according to Media Matters for America, and 84% of them were white.
-In entertainment, for the 2009-2010 prime time TV season, while there were more roles for women on TV than in recent memory, only 27% of all creators, executive producers, directors, writers, editors and directors of photography were women. In feature films, the numbers decrease even more with only 16% of those same categories being filled by women for the top 250 domestic grossing films of 2009.
-On the technology side, women rule social media, spending 30% more time on social media sites than men according to Comscore, Neilsen, Media Metrix and Quantcast. Yet there are no female directors at Twitter, Zynga, Fourscore or Facebook.
Is this as good as it gets, or are we just getting started? Norman asked the panelists.
Mitchell said we're finally coming into our own, kicking off a wide-ranging discussion on how to get more women into media jobs, and thereby influence how women are portrayed in the media. Norman asked whether women have more of a responsibility to hire women, and Mitchell said that when you repeatedly hire women, you'll be called on again and again to defend those hires. Rosen says she "takes a meeting with any young woman who asks for it."
Panelists also touched on the lack of confidence they see in other women. Hanna Rosin marveled at it in light of statistics showing that the average 20-year-old is better educated than her male peers, and Mitchell revealed the unsettling fact that most of the women approached to speak at TEDWomen, which she hosts, turn down the invitation. Mitchell suspects they decline either because they feel they don't have time -- they put their immediate obligations to their jobs and family before claiming a platform for themselves -- or they aren't willing to speak unless they feel they have every aspect of their ideas perfectly down. Would a man turn down such a prestigious speaking engagement for either of those reasons?
Later in the conversation, Rosin argued that every woman should "play to her bias," that no one expects a woman to act like a man anymore, so women should proceed with the knowledge that they will be viewed as a woman, with all of the prejudices -- negative and positive -- that may come with that, and work from there.
Leibovich's advice to young women in media was to go after people more than jobs. The people she met along the way often led her to far more interesting opportunities than the jobs she thought she should be pursuing.
What will you do to be part of the future?
9/19/11
Gender Gap in the Latest World Development Report
From Wallstreetjournal.coomToday the World Bank's latest World Development Report was released. The report focuses on gender inequality around the world. The report shows that women have made gains in rights, education, health, and access to jobs. Despite some progress large gaps between men and women still remain.
Women represent 40% of the world's labor force, but hold just 1% of the world's wealth.
In Germany women earn 62 cents for every mans $1. And in Ethiopia women earn just 12 cents for every mans $1.
Women are also more likely to die than men in developing countries, with 3.9 million women missing under the age of 60.
The Wall Street Journal article describes how women account for more than half the world's university students, but ethnicity combined with poverty creates barriers. Eliminating barriers for women can increase output by 3% to 25% in many countries. How do you think countries can elimnate those barriers?
9/16/11
A Female Engineer at Facebook Shares How She "Broke Into the Boys' Club."
Ruchi Sanghvi, Facebook's First Female Engineer: 'It Was Difficult To Break Into The Boys' Club'
When Ruchi Sanghvi arrived for her first job interview at Facebook's headquarters, no one was there.
It was the fall of 2005 and when she reached the startup's graffiti-covered offices in downtown Palo Alto at noon, they were empty. Two hours later, she was still waiting. At 3 p.m., someone finally arrived to interview her -- the engineers had been up all night coding and slept in, she learned later.
Sanghvi was undeterred. Impressed by the place, the people, and the product, which she had spent hours using as a student at Carnegie Mellon University, she became Facebook's first female engineer, one of the first 10 engineers hired by the company.
Sanghvi's five-year career at Facebook underscores the meritocratic nature of the startup world, where a bright, young engineer like Sanghvi, who was raised in the industrial town of Pune, India, and didn't regularly use a computer until her freshman year of college, could play a key role in shaping one of the world's most influential web companies.
Yet her experience also sheds light on the challenges female engineers faced then -- and still face -- in a male-dominated field. Sanghvi's story illustrates that despite all the talk of equality between the sexes, women often grapple with a unique set of difficulties when it comes to finding role models in the engineering field and making inroads into what she called "the boys' club."
During her tenure at Facebook, Sanghvi not only watched the company explode into a global network with a population greater than that of the United States, but also built the social network's most defining features. She launched News Feed, which radically changed the Facebook experience by putting friends' online activities front and center on the site; Platform, an update that allowed third-party developers and entrepreneurs to build apps on Facebook; and Connect, which made it possible for people to link their Facebook identities and friends to almost any site on the web.
The products she developed helped propel the site forward and also rewrote the rules of the web, eroding anonymity on the Internet and ushering in a new age where peoples' real names were attached to everything they did online. Sanghvi describes this connection between offline and online identities as the next big idea in tech, one that will reshape everything from e-commerce to health care.
"Facebook has woven itself into the fabric of our lives and the foundation of the Internet," Sanghvi said. "I think everything will be redefined because people are using their real identities on the Internet."
Sanghvi said she was used to being the odd woman out -- she was one of five female students out of 150 in a course in the Electrical Computer Engineering department -- and at Facebook, she again found herself on a team with only a handful of female engineers.
Though she looks back fondly on her time at Facebook and describes it as "one of the best companies to be working at right now," she said her male co-workers enjoyed a certain camaraderie that she could not match or fully penetrate.
"It was difficult to break into the boys' club," Sanghvi said. "I wish that females had a similar culture or support network."
Sanghvi said the male engineers on her team created a "brogramming page," presumably only for the Facebook "bros" who were programming. She recalls having to change her working style to adapt to the "aggressive" environment, a shift she said affected how she was perceived.
"Engineers are either aggressive or passive aggressive. You need to just dive straight into it, and sometimes there are social repercussions because of it," Sanghvi explained. "The impression that people had of me was that I was really harsh, hard-edged, brusque and to the point. All of that happened because I am a woman, and I was acting in that kind of environment."
Facebook declined to disclose what percentage of its current total staff and engineers are female. The company does not have any affirmative action programs or quotas in place to attract female engineers, though Facebook supports and funds interest groups, such as Facebook Women or Women Engineers, that its employees create.
"Increasing the number of women in the tech sector is hugely important to Facebook," a Facebook spokeswoman said. "We want our company to reflect the diverse global community that we serve."
Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg has also been an outspoken advocate for increasing the number of female leaders.
"Men run the world," Sandberg said in a May 2011 commencement address delivered at Barnard College. "We need women at all levels, including the top, to change the dynamic, reshape the conversation, to make sure women's voices are heard and heeded, not overlooked and ignored."
To Sanghvi, increasing the number of women in tech requires not only HR initiatives, but also having more female role models in engineering, computer science and other technical fields.
"Kids in college often look for mentors and role models to model their careers after, and women don't have the equivalent of a Steve Jobs or Bill Gates," Sanghvi said. "I think it's a self-perpetuating loop."
She also noted that women must ultimately be proactive about choosing their fate, and shared what she said is the most important lesson she's learned thus far in her career: "If I don't ask for something, I'm not going to get it."
Even as she is candid about the challenges she faced at Facebook, Sanghvi, who left in 2010 to start her own company, Cove, praised the tech industry for consistently rewarding excellence and ability above all else.
"It may not be a meritocracy, but it is the closest thing to a meritocracy in the working world,” she said. “I think that itself is very powerful."
9/14/11
Leadership Gap Blamed on Women's Reluctance to Compete
The below blogpost comes from Forbes' women page, click here to check it out. Why do you think the glass ceiling exists?
Leadership Gap Blamed on Women's Reluctance to Compete
It’s no secret to readers of this blog that women’s reluctance to negotiate has repeatedly been blamed for our inability to crack the glass ceiling or at least get a friggin’ raise.
It’s also no secret that we believe women can improve their work and lives by learning how to negotiate their salaries, bonuses, promotions and work-life balance.
However, we flatly reject the proposition that the persistence of the glass ceiling is due, even in part, to gender-based deficiencies. Yet the social scientists seem intent on finding failings particular to women to explain our pitifully small numbers in positions of power and influence.
Which brings us to the recent coverage by the Guardian of a study that supposedly demonstrates both that women compete better when they are in teams, and that our purported reluctance to compete explains the persistence of the glass ceiling.
We Don’t Compete “Better” on Teams Nor Less Well Individually
Where I come from, “competing better” means winning. Given the Guardian’s headline, you’d expect the referenced study to show that women tend to do worse than men when performing alone and better when working in a team. But that’s not what the study demonstrated. The research quite plainly showed that when the women worked alone, they performed just as well the men.
What the Guardian meant to say was that women are more willing to compete when they work in teams whereas men are eager to compete mano a mano whatever the circumstances. The men didn’t “compete better” than the women, they simply competed more often.
Getting the Job Done Rather than Competing for First Place
What the women studied demonstrated was a greater interest in simply getting the job done (i.e., doing it individually) than in competing for first place. When given the opportunity to work with another, however, they became nearly as willing as were the men to compete for dominance.
Whether the women were willing to compete because it gave them the opportunity to collaborate or were emboldened to compete because they felt the need for a “second,” was neither asked nor answered. But there’s an even more important question to be asked than why women behaved the way they did in response to the researcher’s experiment – whether the desire to compete is sufficiently beneficial to business that women’s disinterest in it could explain our failure to thrive at the highest levels of commerce and governance.
So let’s answer that question here. It is axiomatic that business and the professions require teamwork as much or more than individual excellence. More importantly, one recent meta-study concluded that competition tends to undermine group performance and “groupcentric” goals to enhance it.
The Glass Ceiling Does Not Exist Because We’re Not Competitive Enough
Despite these obvious flaws, the researchers conclude that their presumably neutral “data” suggests that “the continuing lack of women in positions of power” is due to a “competition gender gap.”
Let me re-emphasize the disconnect there.
A business is in business to do business – to make a product that a lot of people want to purchase or to offer a service that a lot of people need. The people who rise to the top should therefore be those best able to deliver a great product or a superior service. Not those who would eagerly engage in a fist fight if given the opportunity.
Unlike my profession – litigation – that requires of its practitioners a near psychopathic desire to prevail over an adversary, most professions and businesses need people who are able to collaborate with one another.
The “Gender Competition Gap” is Really the “Gender Collaboration Gap”
If no one has yet made this suggestion, let me be the first to do so. Whatever “gender competition gap” exists, it cannot be the primary, tertiary or even remote reason for the persistence of the glass ceiling. It is more likely the reason why having at least three women on any Board of Directors immediately positively impacts the bottom line. Because women bring a unique point of view to the proceedings.
If anything, the “gender competition gap” that supposedly inhibits the progress of women is really a “gender collaboration gap” that inhibits the success of any organization.
Beware of social scientists carrying gendered reasons for women’s absence from the seats of power. The academics are people with points of view and their research reflects the same implicit biases that keep the glass ceiling firmly in place.
Who needs women? Goldman Sachs, AIG, and CitiBank need women. The men who brought you the economic meltdown of ’08 need women. It’s 2011 and they’re still in charge.
As Sarah Palin might ask, How’s that workin’ for us?
Leadership Gap Blamed on Women's Reluctance to Compete
It’s no secret to readers of this blog that women’s reluctance to negotiate has repeatedly been blamed for our inability to crack the glass ceiling or at least get a friggin’ raise.
It’s also no secret that we believe women can improve their work and lives by learning how to negotiate their salaries, bonuses, promotions and work-life balance.
However, we flatly reject the proposition that the persistence of the glass ceiling is due, even in part, to gender-based deficiencies. Yet the social scientists seem intent on finding failings particular to women to explain our pitifully small numbers in positions of power and influence.
Which brings us to the recent coverage by the Guardian of a study that supposedly demonstrates both that women compete better when they are in teams, and that our purported reluctance to compete explains the persistence of the glass ceiling.
We Don’t Compete “Better” on Teams Nor Less Well Individually
Where I come from, “competing better” means winning. Given the Guardian’s headline, you’d expect the referenced study to show that women tend to do worse than men when performing alone and better when working in a team. But that’s not what the study demonstrated. The research quite plainly showed that when the women worked alone, they performed just as well the men.
What the Guardian meant to say was that women are more willing to compete when they work in teams whereas men are eager to compete mano a mano whatever the circumstances. The men didn’t “compete better” than the women, they simply competed more often.
Getting the Job Done Rather than Competing for First Place
What the women studied demonstrated was a greater interest in simply getting the job done (i.e., doing it individually) than in competing for first place. When given the opportunity to work with another, however, they became nearly as willing as were the men to compete for dominance.
Whether the women were willing to compete because it gave them the opportunity to collaborate or were emboldened to compete because they felt the need for a “second,” was neither asked nor answered. But there’s an even more important question to be asked than why women behaved the way they did in response to the researcher’s experiment – whether the desire to compete is sufficiently beneficial to business that women’s disinterest in it could explain our failure to thrive at the highest levels of commerce and governance.
So let’s answer that question here. It is axiomatic that business and the professions require teamwork as much or more than individual excellence. More importantly, one recent meta-study concluded that competition tends to undermine group performance and “groupcentric” goals to enhance it.
The Glass Ceiling Does Not Exist Because We’re Not Competitive Enough
Despite these obvious flaws, the researchers conclude that their presumably neutral “data” suggests that “the continuing lack of women in positions of power” is due to a “competition gender gap.”
Let me re-emphasize the disconnect there.
A business is in business to do business – to make a product that a lot of people want to purchase or to offer a service that a lot of people need. The people who rise to the top should therefore be those best able to deliver a great product or a superior service. Not those who would eagerly engage in a fist fight if given the opportunity.
Unlike my profession – litigation – that requires of its practitioners a near psychopathic desire to prevail over an adversary, most professions and businesses need people who are able to collaborate with one another.
The “Gender Competition Gap” is Really the “Gender Collaboration Gap”
If no one has yet made this suggestion, let me be the first to do so. Whatever “gender competition gap” exists, it cannot be the primary, tertiary or even remote reason for the persistence of the glass ceiling. It is more likely the reason why having at least three women on any Board of Directors immediately positively impacts the bottom line. Because women bring a unique point of view to the proceedings.
If anything, the “gender competition gap” that supposedly inhibits the progress of women is really a “gender collaboration gap” that inhibits the success of any organization.
Beware of social scientists carrying gendered reasons for women’s absence from the seats of power. The academics are people with points of view and their research reflects the same implicit biases that keep the glass ceiling firmly in place.
Who needs women? Goldman Sachs, AIG, and CitiBank need women. The men who brought you the economic meltdown of ’08 need women. It’s 2011 and they’re still in charge.
As Sarah Palin might ask, How’s that workin’ for us?
What Men Are Reading...
I'll be honest...I'm feeling a little bit frazzled today. Nothing horrible went wrong; just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and had one of those tremendously snowballing types of days. In spite of this tornado of a day, I did remember that today is my blogging day!
I came across the following article on AskMen.com and HAD to post it. I'm not sure whether to applaud this article or give it a smack in the face. The idea of men sitting around in 2011 still discussing "beauty power" and being convinced that some women are where they are professionally because of their assets, so to speak, frankly..creeps me out. The article does end with a smidge of facts by telling its male readers about the pay disparity and glass ceiling; however, the sexism & blatant stupidity greatlyyy outweigh the statistics.
Read "Women in the Workplace" at the link below and tell us what you think!
http://www.askmen.com/money/career/16_career.html
I came across the following article on AskMen.com and HAD to post it. I'm not sure whether to applaud this article or give it a smack in the face. The idea of men sitting around in 2011 still discussing "beauty power" and being convinced that some women are where they are professionally because of their assets, so to speak, frankly..creeps me out. The article does end with a smidge of facts by telling its male readers about the pay disparity and glass ceiling; however, the sexism & blatant stupidity greatlyyy outweigh the statistics.
Read "Women in the Workplace" at the link below and tell us what you think!
http://www.askmen.com/money/career/16_career.html
9/13/11
CT NOW Foundation to Host Pay Negotiation Seminar for Women
The Connecticut chapter of the National Organization for Women will host a workshop entitled "Empower Yourself: Pay Negotiation Seminar" for women. One of the key reasons women are paid less than men is because they do not negotiate their salaries. In the current economic climate, women may think they are lucky to get a job offer, any job offer, and not even consider negotiating on salary or benefits.
"Many women feel uncomfortable negotiating. When they do negotiate, they will usually ask for less, and subsequently get less," said Jessica Fenner, President of CT NOW Foundation. "We would like to provide women with an opportunity to build these essential skills."
The event will be held on Thursday, September 22nd from 6:30 to 8:30 pm at the Social Hall in the Hamden Public Library, which is located at
This interactive workshop will be led by Dr. Shannon Lane, MSW, PhD, an Assistant
Professor at the Adelphi University School of Social Work in Garden City,New York
research focuses on political social work. She also conducts research and education around domestic violence and other issues that disproportionately affect women.
Professor at the Adelphi University School of Social Work in Garden City,
research focuses on political social work. She also conducts research and education around domestic violence and other issues that disproportionately affect women.
To register, email president@now-ct.org by 9/19.
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